Happy Birthday to me!

Woke up this morning and I wrote down this song, just can't remember who to send it to...
My mom asked me on my birthday, "How's it feel?" and I said, "Feels the same." But I gotta tell you, it feels a little weird all the sudden; overnight 40 doesn't seem that old.
Last night I was walking a little lady down the hall and told her that I was a spring chicken and didn't realize how fast I was walking... now, to the person I was talking to, a 102-year-old woman, I am. But my mind cha-chnk-ed after I said that, like the gears were grinding; 30 isn't a spring chicken. It's just not. What's more, I really can't remember. It's the worst thing about me. I forget things. I don't know that it's 30, but it might as well be something.

On the brighter side, we are just starting the early chapters of our career in chaplaincy, our family is huge just like I always wanted, and I've moved five times in ten years and on the brink of number six, something else I've always wanted. I'm not 125lbs though, and I've yet to be published, unless you consider this... not quite what I had in mind. But time is the framework, not the boundary. I am certain that the things that matter on my list of things to accomplish in this life will come to life and the things that are pipe dreams from the eighth grade (125) will fade just like that fuzzy hair did.

Graduation

Graduation Day! Yes, here are some pictures of the fun filled weekend. We had tons of family here, my mom and dad came, Dale's aunts, uncles and cousins all came from the St. Louis area, and of course, all our family here in the area made the trek to Liberty for the commencement ceremonies that must have been at least six hours long... but whatever we had to endure to see him walk that line, it was worth it!


Here is Dale with some of his good buddies and fellow graduates.


After the ceremony, Dana hosted the big graduation reception, which consisted of a huge barbeque and the remainder of the afternoon we spent outside in the gorgeous weather eating, playing baseball, and talking. Because the shade was scarce, the men sat in one area and the women sat in the another. The kids were in heaven with both sets of grandparents in town for such a long stretch of time.


This is Dana in the playpen; I think the stress got to all of us, it was time to LET LOOSE!


Here is Lonnie with two brothers and his sister. We were SO glad they made the trip. We all loved getting to spend some time with them.

Orthodoxy

Upon my admonition to *think*, consider this.


...These are my ultimate attitudes towards life; the soils for seeds of doctrine. These in some dark way I thought before I could write, and felt before I could think: that we may proceed more easily afterwards, I will roughly recapitulate them now. I felt in my bones; first, that this world does not explain itself. It may be a miracle with a supernatural explanation; it may be a conjuring trick, with a natural explanation. But the explanation of the conjuring trick, if it is to satisy me, will have to be better than the natural explanations I have heard. The thing is magic, true or false. Second, I came to feel as if magic must have a meaning, and meaning must have some one to mean it. There was something personal in the world, as in a work of art; whatever it meant it meant violently. Third, I thought this purpose beautiful in its old design, in spite of its defects, such as dragons. Fourth, that the proper form of thanks to it is some form of humility and restraint: we should thank God for beer and Burgundy by not drinking too much of them. We owed, also, an obedience to whatever made us. And last, and strangest, there had come into my mind a vague and vast impression that in some way all good was a remnant to be stored and held sacred out of some primordial ruin. Man had saved his good as Crusoe saved his goods, he had saved them from a wreck. All this I felt and the age gave me no encouragement to feel it. And all this time I had not even thought of Christian theology.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. G. K. Chesterton. This is the end of chapter four in regards to his journey to faith. This perspective... things I've never even considered, but ring so true; I'm reading along blankly, and then just like algebra, I GET IT! I understand what he's been talking about for the last eight pages. It all comes together into a beautiful new facet of God. It's incredible. And all the sudden writing a novel seems so insignificant.

MAY 19th?!?!?!?

Last night my sister and I were purusing the perpetual calendar on the fridge and discussing the coming weeks. I kept going back in time to evaluate what's next. She finally said, "No, honey, these weeks are done. We're here." May 19th. Naturally I said, "But where did these weeks go? Where are they?" At the end of the fantasiaus journey, how can the days flip by like minutes? At the end of my pregnancy, the minutes drag on like days. I fully expected that to be the case and here we are, hours- literally hours before graduation. How can it be? It's only by the grace of God that we have endured the troddened path. (Does that work? I don't care.) And here we are at the end. *heavy sigh*

Our interview with the Commision on Chaplaincy for the Assemblies of God was Wednesday, so we spent the night and went visiting our past Thursday. We were granted endorsement so we are officially Chaplains now, I am by proxy, with the AG. That means that we get discounts on Bible college, I just learned. WOOHOO! Now it will only be half a mil to put them all through! Hahaha. That seems absurd right now.

In recent weeks I have many times posed the question "who is my brother?" I was thrilled out of my wits to see my long time friend in Mecca; there is nothing like having a friend that knows all your secrets and loves you like a sister. You, my friend, are my brother. *giggles* I can only pray that God will see the hole in my heart that being apart from my sista and our family here will leave and fill it wherever we go. It's almost too much for me when I see M&A because we are days from the end. We have found such an amazing friendship with you guys... let's go on vacation together. *laughs* No. I'm serious.

Life is amazing; it's just the way that things happen and change and change you and make you love the things you hate and make you hate the things you loved. It's in grabbing onto the things that trouble you, and embracing them because they are from God, and making them precious to you, that burns out the garbage. At this point here is what I know: Acceptance your circumstances. Acceptance is freedom. Apologize; nothing is worth the energy it takes to stay mad when being in love is so much more gratifying. Read. Read everything that you can get your hands on- only filter if time doesn't allow for you to read. And think. THINK! Think for yourself. God made us thinkers and society has made us only crave entertainment, so shut off all the noise in your world that doesn't breathe and think. Run. Run because it will bring to life a part of you that you have never known, but always wanted to be. Be you. No one else is like you. No one else can be you. And you have something to contribute. Give it. Laugh. Laugh hard and a lot. Cry. Cry when you feel it and stifle it only for a moment when it's not appropriate, but only hold it until you can let it out. Cry because it's good for you and your body needs it as much as every other part of your being needs it. Don't make excuses. Your friends don't need them and your enemies don't believe them anyway. And by all means, love God: heart, soul, and mind. He is the only reason that we exist. Can you imagine... it brings Him glory when we love Him, totally love Him, with everything in us. So if God created us to love Him and serve Him and worship Him, than there has to be something inside us that craves all of those things. And when we give it all over... I mentioned how gratifying it is to be in love- now multiply that times GOD! Yeah. Wow.

b smiles signing off.

Soul Ties

One of my favorite things in the world is conversation. I don't care what we talk about as long as we have conversation chemistry. If I can be real with you and you can be real with me, if we can fall down and laugh together... if you can make me laugh hard enough to cry real, big tears, I will come back for more. You are my friend. If you are my friend for two days or a year or ten years, I don't care. Let's grab it while it lasts. Because forever friends aren't here yet, they won't come until eternity.

I read a piece of advice from life's little instruction book that said, "Marry someone you love to talk to." I took it. Unbeknownst to me, I married one of the great thinkers of our time, who is also a talker; able to communicate his thoughts and his feelings and so much more in our conversation. We connect on so many levels- from boy humor to the perplexities of gaps in theology. He is my very best friend. I'm really sad because I have only just made a deep connection to my friend, and she's moving away and so am I. Who knows if we'll really ever go on vacation together... I almost cried twice tonight at the thought that we have just found each other; seems like too little too late. But as we pulled out of their driveway, I looked over at someone I love to talk to and breathed a sigh of relief because we continued a great conversation all the way home. And it will continue through the week in various intervals and exchanges. He's my best friend. He tells me the truth and pushes me to grow and drives me to work harder and inspires me to learn faster. He's my best friend and my hero.

My sister

Last spring when it was time to announce the exciting news that we an appointment with the stork, my sister, who loved her job, put in her notice and packed her bags. She moved from the best bed in the mansion, privacy, peace and quiet, and good food, to my couch, in the living room, a set of pull apart plastic shelves with a sheet to conceal her skivvies, and vegetable beef stew on a regular basis. She sacrificed her life to give to mine, it's the classic story of Ruth, giving up her will to take care of Naomi, her family. It was a sacrifice few recognize. I have not taken it lightly. My sister is incredibly talented, full of charisma and charm, she's gorgeous and hillarious. She loves God and wants desperately to do His will. And she's 26 and single. I adore her for who she is and how she has given so selflessly to my family. (This guy is no intimate relation, he's just a friend. Isn't this picture great? LOVIN IT!)

This summer she's moving to Chicago to work with City Limits Ministries. Before June 14th, she needs to have $1500 in order to work full-time leading outreach teams for the ministry. If you know her and want to make a donation, you can send it through PayPal, or you can e-mail me and I will give you the mailing address. Pray for her. God has great things in place for her life, I already sure. Pray that she will hear Him and follow whole-heartedly. Also pray for her protection in the city. Thank you!!!

When you stay caught up, you stay caught up

Second day, no Zannah. Four hours of that precious covetted comodity, sleep, yesterday; let's pray for four today. Dale sweetly reassured me this morning that I'd get to go to bed in just 11 or 12 hours. Hopefully Lupe will be ready for a nice long nap in about an hour and we'll both drift merrily off to lala land. We have a big garage sale tomorrow and Lemonade stand. I don't know how geared up our customers will be for a cold drink when it is 48 degrees at eight in the morning. Maybe we should do the hot chocolate instead. CRAZY! We're going to bake cookies and the infamous delicious chocolate cake in hopes of beefing up the profits. I promised the kids they could have whatever they make. I'm thinking maybe we could take a trip to Worlds of Fun after graduation if we strike it rich.

Here's the first quote in a series of great quotes from brilliant minds and other people. "When you stay caught up, you stay caught up." That's an original from my first book- currently not in print. (Well, it's never been in print except from my personal computer. But someday, oh yes... someday.) It applies to everything in this life. When you stay on top of what needs to be done, you stay caught up. It may seem incredibly obvious, but it works.

Get it in your head. Check this out! http://www.storyboxpurses.com/ What I wouldn't do to get my hands on one of these babies! They are so cool!

good riddance

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it upon a shelf in good health and good time
Tatoos and memories and dead skin on trial
for what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life


Everywhere we go people ask us if we are done having kids. Are you kidding me? Would you look at this baby!? God gives us five times this and we should say no thank you? Yeah... right-o! LOOK AT HER! SHE'S THE SWEETEST LITTLE BUNDLE OF MARSHMELLOW FLUFF ON THE PLANET! Makes me want to kiss her face right now!!!

Dun dun DUUUNNNN!!!!

Two weeks and counting. Big stuff happening. Tomorrow we have an important meeting and then the big sermon, then next week is the interview... then dun dun DUUUNNNN!!! GRADUATION DAY!!! WOOHOO! So I've been scouring Seesta's closet for fantastic wardrobe possibilities for all the upcoming events. (the girls cleaned your apartment while I was trying on clothes, hope you were excited and thrilled) And studying for the interview so that I can hold my own when they ask me difficult theological questions, hardeharhar. And my mind is full of hope and excitement as it always is when I study.

My frustration with the church and church life is that it's weak and poor. Not the good weak and poor that we strive to attain spiritually. The other weak- as in powerless- and the other poor- as in no spiritual riches or fruit. We have become a pharisaical high society that accepts only the breed of the congregation. We sell salvation to tally up our numbers in reports and leave babies to feed and shelter themselves. We want to be intimate, but we hide our secrets for the sake of others. We long to be brothers and sisters, but we talk to much and listen too little. And when someone falls hard, we walk away because it's awkward to say anything. And if we do say anything, we remind the failure that they failed, all the while touting the heroes in our church that have secrets more ghastly than the failure. I have felt hopeless. Utterly hopeless about the condition of the church across the board.

Fortunately, after a much needed breath of life, I have discovered this amazing truth. Those of us that grieve for the condition of the church are the invisible church. We are His, those of us that know His voice. And He knows His own. And surrounding us is a great cloud of witnesses, those great men and women of faith that went before us, they stand with us as the invisible church. So I have hope again. Because we walk by faith and not by sight, I have a home and a family that surrounds me in this life, seen and unseen. Jesus said He would build His church and the gates of hell would not prevail against it. I have felt such heaviness of heart knowing that the church is losing, but I am once again reminded that His ways are not our ways. And although it seems so hopeless, we are still His, the sheep of His pasture. Whether we see the solid foundation that He laid, and the bricks of the temple that we comprise, it doesn't matter because He promised that we would not be bowled over by the gates of hell. And so we stand. Invisible.

His promises sustain me.

To Baeba on our 10th Anniversary

I am yours
and you are mine
this simple thought
I sought to find
In days and nights
of dark and light
my heart has found surrender;

I am yours
it’s clear to me,
my heart and soul,
once dear to me,
Fall into you,
crash near to you
and force me to surrender;

I am yours and you are mine
from now until the end of time,
Sweet hours of learning faults and finds
forever till forever;
I am yours if time should cease,
the beat now halts, the breath defeats,
Should life escape your soul or mine,
still lives our love forever;
You are mine, the dream come true,
as now I look upon you, new,
Could this obsession, passion,
man be mine and mine alone…
In closeness, moments tender deep,
when day falls night and deep you sleep,
Each time you breathe, my promise keep,
my love is yours alone;
With gratitude, and servitude,
and magnitude, I love you, dude,
May this ten years be miniscule
compared to our forever.

Kennedy's Page: Scooder

This is Scooder. I just woke him up. He always saves the hamsters. Everytime, well, almost everytime. When trucks pass by, he chases 'em, and he runs like a maniac! And when he does it, he smiles! My aunt's dog, Sawyer, and Scooder are really best pals. Sometimes when the hamsters get out, Scooder just sits there. And one time, he licked Hampy. We think Scooder has a girlfriend. *giggles*

Oh, on Friday the Mushroom Festival is coming. *mushroom capital of the world, right here!* I'm REALLY excited! I've been saving my money for the Mush Fest. I have five dollars. I might buy one of the lizards made out of beads and some jewelry, or maybe a purse.

Oh yeah, I have my own little digital camera. This morning was a really stormin'. Isn't Scooder cute on this picture? Mom says Scooder's nose looks huge on this, but I think he looks cute. OK, I have to go. Goodbye!

Booma Boom Boom!

If you have never seen a ray of sunshine personified, meet Jas. She will light up your world. In our house, if you need the attention of the matriarch, you have to be willing to commit yourself to getting it. Each kid does it a different way. Naturally, the boys yell. "Mom. Mom. MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY!! MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!!!" The girls have a different strategy. Kennedy says, "Mom. Mom. *heavy sigh* Mom. Mom! *growl and stomp*" Jasmine says, "Mom, would you get me a snack?" *3 minutes later* "Mom, can I have a snack? Would you get it for me?" *3 minutes later* " Mommy, I'm really hungry. Would you get me a snack?" *3 minutes later* "Mom, are you ready to get me a snack now?" She's like snack snooze button. I always laugh when she finally has my attention and I am moving toward the snack cabinet because she is so eternally patient. Granted, she does take a turn yelling, and whapping me, and growling, and stomping along with the rest of them, but generally she is long suffering in the flesh.

Yesterday Kennedy ran into the house screaming and shaking and brushing off her clothes and body. I said, "What's the matter, Sis?" She said, "There was a REALLY disgusting bug on me!" as she ripped her shirt of and threw it across the room. I laughed while she danced around, and inspected her hair. Then I picked up her shirt, looked it over and said, "It's not here, Sis. I looked at everything." She was still frantic, shaking and throwing nervous glances everywhere. "Are you sure it's not in my hair?" I looked at her hair again and then turned the shirt right-side-out, then let out this blood curdling scream, to which all three girls responded in kind, EVEN THE BABY! It was hysterical! When I started laughing, Kennedy, shaking, yelled, "It's not funny, MOM!" Leila looked up at me with the huge those blue eyes, like I was crazy. And Jas tried to conceal those pearly whites while she whapped me on the butt. It was so funny. I am not nice. We all laughed about it later when we were retelling the story to MawMaw. LOVED IT!

Fashion Girl Photo Shoot *notice the blue eye shadow*

MAY DAY! MAY DAY!

Happy May Day to all! I hope you have huge baskets waiting on your doorstep full of flowers and candy- or in our case, scotcheroos. And if you don't, then grab your scissors and ribbons and start spreading May Day cheer to all your neighbors. If you need help with flowers, go to the expert, Martha Stewart.

I've been tagged by Becky. I look at your life and dream about my future. You have so completely grown into yourself; it's incredibly refreshing. I love people that know who they are and totally comfortable in the skin they're in. Love ya, my sista.

5 things I have in my fridge:
Strawberry milk
IHOP leftovers
Tangy Tomato Bacon Dressing
Broccoli Cheese and Beefy Cabbage Soups
Dyed Easter Eggs

5 things I have in my closet:
A Red velvet treasure box with the thick black ribbon full of treasures
Black Chuck Taylor Converse Lowtops
A Glittery Turquoise floor length formal from the seventies- a Great-Grandma original
Red and Black Nike Shox
NO Maternity clothes

What's in your dvd player?
Wallis and Grommit's Curse of the Wererabbit

What's in your car?
Two booster seats, an Eddie Bower strap-'em-in-for-dear-life-real-deal-car seat, crayons, pens, several bottles of cologne, a mini bottle of Eternity for women, a stack of napkins, and a bottle of water.

What's in your purse?
Chapstick, lip liner, Glazewear lip gloss, Neutrogena Hand Cream, Orbit Sweet Mint gum, fold away scissors, big wallet, mini Eternity for women, and keys.

I tag Chandelier, who is also new to blogging. Hope you're having a great day!