Merry Christmas EVE!!!

I'm not sure what happened this year.  Last year we kicked off our celebrations as usual on the first of November and on December 26th when I took all the decorations down, I was ready.  This  year I am already sad that we're so close to the end.  BUT, rather than mourn the loss of something not yet lost, I am choosing to rejoice in each moment until the end comes.

Merry Christmas Eve to one and all!  It's SNOWING!!!!!  We woke up to a beautiful blanket of white, which is yet another answer to some diligent and persistent prayers of the Sutton children. He loves us so beautifully. 

I have a list of things I need to get done today, including fininshing three presents and making some stocking stuffers.  Also I'll be doing some more Christmas baking as well as making cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning brunch.  The big kids are sledding, the little ones are watching the Christmas movie marathon that is happening right now. 

Life is good, my friends.  I only wish we could all be together on this blessed day.  Since we can't, I'm wishing you the very best for two more days. 

lvb

Contemplation

After a series of unfortunate events in my life, I find myself sort of clinging to what matters. 

My sweet Gram passed most unexpectedly which sent me into alarm.  Painful as it was, the Lord has used this circumstance to corner me and my restless heart. 

Most recently Dale and I became suddenly struck with the worst stomach flu of our existence to date.  I came very close to dehydration and nearly threw myself into pre-term labor for want of necessary instruction.  Thanks to a simple remedy, some tlc, and the blessing of a dear friend, we avoided a trip to the hospital.  After two days of complete bedrest and another day of bursts of energy followed by debilitating exhaustion, I think we're better. 

Because of these trials my heart is atune to the goodness of God and His mercy toward me.  He has never failed me nor ceased to show me his loving kindness. 

I miss writing.  I was going through the precious items I was priviledged to receive from my Gram's collection of goodies.  Of all the things that were given to me, the most treasured of them all were the handwritten recipe cards.  I feel selfish keeping them all to myself, so if you have any want of them, I'll gladly share.  It has given me great consideration of the legacy I'm leaving for my children.  I would've loved to find a journal of the daily happenings in her life, a peek into her reality.  Not taking the time to write not only robs me of a tiny corner of joy in my life, but a may be robbing a snipett of wisdom or insight for my children.

I want to write more and talk less.  It's a goal, if nothing else.

lvb

Thankful

God has answered our prayers! After much investigation and a small fortune in odor fighters, we have found the cause of the stink in our house and resolved it completely! Hallelujah! Turns out it was sewer gas and all of you that told me to pour water down the drain were right! We didn't know that there was a second floor drain in our basement that had gone totally neglected all this time, only to blast sewer gasses through the house in greater and greater portions for the past month. Thankfully we didn't have a massive explosion or any psychotic behavior- any more than usual anyway. 

Speaking of being thankful, I can never fully express my gratitude for the answer to our prayers to come home. This time last year we were anticipating a moving date and truly had an end in sight to our- adveture- in California. Weeks before as the season of joy approached, we were fighting a constant undercurrent of sadness on account of being so far away.

I don't know why God loves us the way He does.  It seems His blessing will never cease, even though my failures seem to veil the true intentions of my heart toward Him over and over again.  But I am thankful, completely and totally thankful.  God has blessed my life and given me every good and perfect gift in my life. 

So Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and as you count your blessings, name them one by one!

If I were still using Facebook...

If I were still using Facebook, I would list my productivity on my status as follows:
This morning before nine o'clock I: cleaned our room, walked two miles, cleaned out the pantry, watered  the yard, and did all the laundry. 

I am glad that I don't get on Facebook anymore because I always thought it was so annoying that people wrote their completed to-do lists as  their status.  But this morning I thought of them fondly and could relate to their intentions in doing so. 

Here's something really cool that happened this morning to boot.  Leila opened the cabinet and stood in mouth-open-awe at the lovely display of cans and boxes neatly organized in grocery store fashion.  Instant gratification.  Someone recognized and appreciated my work. 

What I don't want to tell you is that I... didn't make Dale anything to take in his lunch this morning.  The only thing he had for to eat for breakfast was the last couple of packages of instant oatmeal.  He couldn't find the snacks he usually takes to work because most of them were- gone.  Hence the cleaning of the pantry.  He asked why we didn't have so many things.  I couldn't answer until I opened the door to the pantry and realized that it only looked full because it was full of mostly empty boxes that needed to be cleaned out.

And also I couldn't find the dogs this morning so I assumed they were upstairs with the kids.  I went to bed early and from total exhaustion last night and missed a few details.  One of those being the dogs.  They slept in the basement.  And pooped on the floor.  Nasty. 

But I got a lot of things done today and by golly, I am excited about it!

I am wondering if we have a dead mouse in our air conditioning ducts.  Every time the air conditioner kicked on yesterday I was overcome by that awful stench.  I know it well because we had mice way back when we lived in the country.  So far we have not had mice here, but I know that smell.  Any advice I rooting it out?  I can't risk the decomposure of a mouse in the ducts when it's time to turn up the heat!

lvb 

Leila's 5!!!

At least I get the camera out for birthdays...  It's birthday season here! 

WOOHOO!  YAY YAY YAY LEILA!!!

We have minimized our birthday obsessions for the kiddos this year, so I only had two presents for Leila to open. 

One was this knitted bear.  I made it a hat and scarf too, but since the day she opened the package it's been MIA.  That's the breaks around here.

Dale's mom and dad, Aunt Angie and his cousin Lisa all came to celebrate with us.  It was a beautiful night so after we ate we all sat around in lawn chairs in the front yard.  That's my favorite.

We also had a huge princess party at my mom's but I can't seem to find any photos from that day.  ugh.  I feel so scattered lately. 

So anywayss, Happy Birthday, Lol!! 

Trebo's 8!!!

So Tre turned 8 a few months ago... in August and here is a teeny memoir of this joyous celebration.  This party took place with our church family at our house.  See what I meant earlier?  I made the cake and he decorated it with M&Ms.  Sometimes I'm a total slacker.

Clearly here is another cake from our party with Dana and family.  I don't know why I don't have more pictures.  Poor Trebo.  His memory will have to do the job.

We also had a party with my a bunch of my family that came for the weekend to celebrate Tre and Gavin, my nephew.  Somehow I didn't get a single photograph of the party.  My brother, T.R. has some px on Facebook if you are curious.  My mom made the cutest army cake with rock candy and a battle scene.  She also brought camo handkerchiefs (chieves?) for everyone which was super fun!  But did I snap a single picture?  Nope.  It's pregnancy... I lose all my marbles in the process of growing a life.  It's legit, I think, but none the less frustrating.

Anyway, Happy Birthday sweet Trebo!  You are amazing!!

Gram's Birthday

You thought I was kidding?  I kept trying to capture the sweetness of the birthday girl,and this is what kept taking over! 

 

Last May, Grams came to Emporia to celebrate her birthday with the crew.  It was quite a party!  The is my Uncle Bubba next to her.  It's strange to watch him age.  He has crazy Hook eyebrows and a bald head, but he's still just as charming as ever.  I have always adored him.

Jon and Cara blew us away when they showed up just about the right time for the party.  No one knew they were coming FROM NEW MEXICO!  I love surprises, and they are rare for me because no one in my house can keep a secret.  But this time we are all in shock.  I know it freaked Cara out that I kept hugging her over and over, but it was like a dream!  When we were in California she was a lifeline for me.  We spent lots of time on the phone feeling stranded and far away from the rest of the world, but somehow together.  Seeing them was just amazing.  Here's Cara with Stephanie.

 Mel and T.R. got to be there for the weekend too, which is always fun.  I have also been so blessed to have them living basically blocks away from me.  My kids have cousins that they will get to grow up with and see more than twice a year!  LOOOOOVE IT!!  Kennedy has become quite the kitchen helper in her pre-teen condition.  Jas too! I think it makes them feel a little more grown up to be in the kitchen with the women.  I love that too.

These two crack me up.  All three two-year-old girls are fireballs so the combination is totally unpredictable!  They are taking time out for a foot massage.  I'm surprised that thing is still intact as much play as it got during that weekend!

Alexa and Jasmine are BFF.  They have so much in common, being lovers of make-up and fashion.  They are also both middle children, which gives them the whole world of common ground.  I know this from personal experience.

Nana was in motion for the entire weekend.  She's always such a gracious host no matter how high the numbers of people get; and she's looking so cute in her trendy new digs! 

My dad was in motion all weekend too except when he was napping in a recliner.  It's all or nothing with him.  I always try to get up early enough to meet him at the breakfast table.  It's the best time to sit and chat; he hasn't started any of his projects for the day yet and he's not exhausted from working his projects yet.  Sometimes I can't make it early enough after burning the midnight oil with my mom the night before.  That's the best time to chat with her, after the chaos of a house full of people dies down.  I love them both so much!

This is my brother, Jon.  I always love it when he is around because he loves to play board games.  One year someone brought Balderdash to Christmas.  We had a crazy time playing that, mostly because boys are super naughty, and we all revert to being teenagers on some level when we are together.  It's all part of the fun.  He's holding the giant guinea pig, Buffalo.  Can you believe that thing?  It looks like a muskrat in this picture!  My mom took a bunch of pictures if Leila holding him and he looks as big as a cat!   

Here's proof of constant hugging!  Isn't she pretty?  She has such simple elegance about her.  She looks so meek and mild but under all that sweetness, She's a wild and crazy gal.  Believe it!     

Zane and Micah, also BFF.  

Aunt Kim and my cousin Leah, sweet Leah.  When I was fourteen I made a trip across country with these two and the other two siblings in their family.  Leah was two.  On that trip I was mostly in charge of her and people kept asking if she was mine.  I couldn't have been more proud!  She was such a funny kid and soooooo cute with her little redhead and sparkling blue eyes.  I prayed and prayed that I would have one like her.  SURPRISE! Four of em!  Isn't God funny?   

Uncle Jeff and his spunky wife Lynette.  He is sweet and quiet.  She's the wild one in their house.   

Of course my fancy-lady Sista and her new husband Jon.  I don't know what I'd do without this girl.  I used to wish we had more sisters, but now I'm glad we don't.  There's just not enough time in one night for more than two girls to gab and get everything said!

So here's another snippet of my crew.  I know; I am the luckiest.

lvb 

Deisha

Maybe I forgot to mention Deisha's birthday... did I?  I just loaded all the photos from my camera and did a quick run through this years blog posts.  For some reason I failed to mention her birthday and a few others... so here we go. My apologies if this is a repeat. Today, Deisha.

This cake was super fun to make and sooooo simple.  The terets and columns are made from ice cream cones, melted almond bark, and cherry chips.  The bricks are marshmellows.  The rest is pretty obvious.  I found a picture online that morning and voila!  We had a castle!  I feel bad when I am the lazy mom that makes a box cake and lets the kids decorate it with M & Ms.  Sometimes that's just what they want, though, so I don't feel bad for long. 

Dale's grandparents hadn't had a chance to come visit our new house until this weekend so we were thrilled to have them join our party.  This is Grandpa Welker.  Also you can see Nana and Cousin Luke in the background blowing up the balloons.  I love it when Kennedy wears that skirt with skinny jeans. 

This may be the only photograph of Deisha smiling out of the whole bunch.  The majority of the pictures are of her in just a diaper with her arms crossed in front of her, and her face in a terrible scowl!  I gotta tell you, birthday overload never produces good fruit! 

Here is another batch of our precious family: Nana, Aunt Sarah, Keegan, and Jas are in the forefront; Gavin and Hayden are in the background.  I love having my house full of people.  When I'm not pregnant I love it more.  I didn't know I was pregnant at this party so I loved it fully in my ignorance.

And then we have Mawmaw, Bud and Leila added to the mix.

I continue to rejoice in the blessings of our family being in close proximity.  It's such sweet bliss to be able to escape our house and run to theirs on a whim if we want to.  I've been feeling a little lost in other areas of my life.  It's hormonal, but feels just as real as true sadness.  Dale is so good to remind me to be thankful for what we do have in our family.  That snaps me right out of it.  I mean that usually snaps me out of it.  Sometimes I'm just unreasonable and cry anyway.  HA!  I might be crazy.

lvb

Falling...

It may not officially be fall, but oh my stars... I am in love!  This weather makes everything better; it's like the cherry on top of every blessing in my life.  The mornings are so crisp and fresh, I just can't get enough of it.  If there are anymore pregnancies in my future, I must pray that they encompass the fall. It curbs the edge brought on by my wacky hormones.

We are spending this weekend in town with our Nana and Papa and Aunt Sarah.  Nana and the boys are making plastic canvas boxes, the girls are watching Sleeping Beauty and napping after a late night of movies and giggling, and Papa is putting the floor down in the basement.  It's John Wayne Saturday on AMC; our lives our full. 

Dale is headed out for a weekend with Marty who is in town for a speaking engagement, so he didn't get to join our fall festivities in Emporia.  I'm not too worried about him though.  I'm sure he'll manage juuuuust fine.

So anywaysss.... I hope you are all revelling in the joys of fall, spending lots of time outside breathing deeply, and embracing the entrance of a new season!

Crazy Love

I've just finished one of the most motivating books I've read in a long time.  Have you heard of this?

I can honestly say this was a wake up call for me.  A lot of my life I have worked hard to please God; constantly trying: trying to read my Bible more, trying to pray more fervently and consistently, trying to force my character to behave like His.  In these pages I found that what God wants is not the trying, He just wants me- all of me.  It seemed a bit of a conundrum at first because how can I give Him more of me without trying?  But what it comes down to is this.  If I pursue Him out of a heart of love instead of some sense of moral duty, I am giving Him all of me, moment by moment.  That in itself reciprocates a deeper love and longing for Him which returns a produce of the fruit that I have begged Him to grow in me for so long.

In this book there are stories of people that are obsessed with loving God and how that love manifests itself in the world in tangible ways.  That's what I want in my life- I want to be known by the love of God not by some talent or capability that I have.  Those things are easy and natural- but they only give the appearance of good.  The only good in me is the love that can only be manifested in me when I have spent myself in pursuit of the Giver of all good things.  It's the only thing that amounts to anything in this life. 

It's simple and yet complex enough to hang our existence on.  When I actively love God, I will automatically love others and all these things will fall into perfect alignment with that love.  So why I am striving to build sand castles in this life with the working and hustling and cleaning and fretting over peoples opinions of me?  If I spent a quarter of that energy in my pursuit of God I would be living a completely different life in no time. 

Oh that my life would be full and spent in anticipation of things to come long after this vapor has faded!

Monday, Happy Monday!

I think about this blog a lot during the day.  If I could be down here writing all the time, and it's probably a good thing I can't, I would. 

Let me first apologize for not including more pictures.  I really don't like it when people post web cam photos of themselves in every post just to fancy it up.  It seems silly.  You know what I look like; it only changes when I am pregnant or have a major event coming up that I want to be skinnier for.  What you are really hoping to find is a photograph of my kids or our house or something creative- like a bug or a project.  You don't want to see me with my frumpy "stay in the house all day" hair and my smeared mascara from last night because I don't shower until we are about ready to walk out the door or Dale is about to walk it...  It's just the way it is.  I know you, the few, the faithful, will return and read- if not skim- this post; dazzling photos or not!  It's because you love me.  And reading blogs is fun.

The thing I think about the most, besides not having pictures because Sandy told me I need them, is that this is sort of a confessional.  I'd much rather you come here to read something charged with insight, or some snippet of wisdom I picked up somewhere, or something them challenges you to change it up somehow.  I'd really love for this to be like the Chesterton days, when I was reading real literature and sharing deep thoughts about God and His ways.  Unfortunately my reading is choppy and scattered and so are my thoughts.  I've been trying to get through the first chapter of a book I picked up from the library by John MacArthur for several days; there just isn't any uninterrupted time in my day.  I am trying to remedy that, but it's tough when your kids aren't napping anymore!  So naturally, the meditations of my heart are scattered.  Is there a way to create depth in your life when you are in my shoes with big kids little kids and kids in-utero?  Seriously, if you have found it, please call me.  Getting up early is a legitimate option, but it's not very practical in the rhythm of our life.  Anything else?

I keep missing the point.  I want to share a lot of the things I think about here because I know you think about them too.  But I'm not good at knowing what is right to share and what's not.  You don't care.  I think you would love it if I just spilled my guts.  Especially now- I'm so self-absorbed when I'm pregnant.  (ha ha, Dale.  MORE self-absorbed when I'm pregnant.) 

It's no wonder I am having a break-down every other day.  When you are fixated on yourself and your life all the time, it's easy to see flaws everywhere.  See I'm kind of an idealist.  I want things to go a certain way, the way they should go.  And when they don't, I cry.  Or yell.  It's because I am abiding in Becca and not in Christ.  Pray for me.  I am really struggling.  I feel super vulnerable and super defensive at the same time.  At the risk of looking pathetic I am not sharing my feelings outside these four walls, but I am on the verge of tears when I go out.  It's taking serious fortitude to make myself go anywhere.  It's part of being pregnant and being me. I am not "putting on" the virtues that are so critical to our faith- especially the one I was just touting days ago on the this blog.  But I feel sort of breakable and it's easier just to hunker down and hide out with my crew- they ask why I'm crying and believe me when I say I'm just tired. 

On a happy note, I've been trying to get the camera out despite all my groanings about it earlier, because I keep catching the little girls doing funny stuff.  Micah, however, has been using my camera for stop-motion videos and is mid-project every time I want to capture a moment.  Like yesterday; I walked into the kitchen to find Deisha sitting at the bar on a stool in her diaper.  She had rigged her nightgown up like a cape by hanging it over her head and putting Tre's winter hat over it to hold it.  It was the funniest thing!  She is so imaginative and I love it!!!  Just cracks me up, but it would have been way cuter with a photo and subtitle. 

It's all about the juggling.  I'll get all the balls in the air eventually. 

lvb

Co-op and Stuff

I have to tell you, the co-op was not what I expected.  We were happily surprised to see lots of children in each of the kids' age groups- which shouldn't have been a surprise being that I had a kid in almost every class.  They all had lots of fun and I was in the nursery for most of the day.  Listen. I'm not a nursery gal.  I did it and it was fine, but I did not love it.  I was, however, grateful for the taco soup at the end of the tunnel!  It's silly, but knowing that I had dinner in the crockpot made it so much easier not to stop at a drive-through on the way home.  The kids were practically begging.  One mention of taco soup shut it down.  Seriously!  There is no doubt that if I had not made dinner it would have been double cheeseburgers all the way.
Poor Dale did not get his QT hot dog, not from me anyway.  By the time he and Leila made it home from their special day, I was already in jammies and snuggled down for the night.  Actually by 6:00 I was dressed for bed and clocked out for the day.  It wasn't that the day was labor intensive, really, I just... I'm kind of a whiny-pants and my energy doesn't go very far.  It doesn't help that I've abandoned my healthy eating and exercise, so I am running on simple sugars and carbohydrates and minimal protein.  They run out pretty quickly... and I'm surprised? 

My moods swing more drastically too.  I've gone from elation to deep, deep sadness, to explosive hostility in a matter days- hours even.  It's the food.  It has to be the food.  There are ways of managing this pregnancy and I am not doing it.  Pray for me!  ARGH!!!  It's a mountain I fear I will never get over.

Feeling Better

The Movie Marathon was just what we needed.  I took the kids to the library to get their movies, and then we went to Price Chopper to pick up everything we needed for Root Beer floats and Scamboli Bread.  It was a real treat for the kids; snapped me right out of my funk.  We started with Ratatoui, next was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, followed by Kit Kitteridge. (cutest movie ever!)  I managed to knit all of the body and most of the head of my first project.

Today we have some pretty big excitement.  It's the first day of our co-op.  One of the girls at church invited us to go, and we couldn't be more thrilled.  I have been hunting for something the kids can do outside of church and house that they could do at the same time, rather than running in all directions.  It should be fun.  I am looking forward to it.

It's funny how having something on our schedule gets me all worked up.  We got up early this morning in order to squeeze in one math lesson and get ready for our coop that we have to leave for at noon.  I am planning to do some Spanish lessons on tape in the car that I bought at a garage sale.  Can't hurt, right?  The only thing is, I need to get something in the crockpot for dinner and... well Dale's not going to eat taco soup.  I might just throw that in for the kiddos and whip him up a masterpiece later- like a QT hot dog or something magical like that. 

Hope you're enjoying this lovely cool front today!  I know I am!!!

CAUTION! Debbie Downer at 6 o'clock!

I woke up sad today.  It's so funny because last week Monday was such a glorious day!!!  And today I am just kind of sad.  There's no real reason.  I have everything I need or want, I'm just... dissatisfied.  It's the story of my life.  Some days great, other days miserable.  I have always struggled with this very thing, always wishing something was different.  I don't wish for another life, I just wish this relationship was better or that situation would change.  It's so petty.  People are suffering terrible trials in their lives and it is painful to have to sit on the sidelines and just watch them suffer through it knowing there's very little I can do to make it better.  But I start picking things apart in my mind and they start to cave.  So petty. 

I despise this about myself.  What I want to be is truly content- in plenty and in want.  Not just financially but when my heart is full and when I am left longing I wish I could embrace it all.  This isn't the natural way, I don't suppose.  Last night someone said, "I wish I could just be godly and it would come naturally for me the way it does for some people," to which several other people responded, "Oh, it doesn't come naturally for anyone.  I think it's always a fight."  I just don't feel like putting up much of a fight.  Let me wallow in self-pity, just for a day.  That's ridiculous, you say?  What have I to pity myself over?  I know.  It is.  Your very words echo in my ear every time I start to give way to tears.  I smack myself around and tell myself, "This is ridiculous!  What have you got to feel sorry about???"  But I want to.  I want to cut my day short, lock-down in the basement, and get hide all day.  The kids would be thrilled- I'd call it a movie marathon not an escape, of course. 

Funny, these kids.  It really thrills them when I will sit and watch a movie with them.  I so full of myself that  I can't stay awake for more than half unless I'm distracted by something else, even though I know this is the very thing they really love.  It takes virtually no effort or attention, they just want me present.  It's like when they were little, all they wanted was for me and Dale to get on the floor.  We didn't have to play or entertain them, they just wanted us there where they were.  Still do.  Oooooo these days are numbered.  It will all go away and I'll be riddled with regret!  I can see it coming- and here I sit, moaning to myself about nothing with no reason, and yet I still moan.  boooooo. 

I do love God, you know I do.  He gives me peace and rest; it's this blasted flesh that blocks my access.  I indulge it and it gets fatter and makes it harder to get to. 

So here's the remedy.  Do something for someone else.  Today I am going to do two things on my list. They should take less than one hour.  Then I'm going to round up the troops and set up a movie marathon.  HAHA!  You think I'm reverting, but in writing that I realized that even though my motive is to indulge this miserable beast, this would be something that would thrill my kids.  Only to make this about them and not me I will run them to the library to pick out a movie and then make snacks for the marathon.  And I'll knit while they watch movies so that my eyes will stay open from start to finish.  They will love it.  I will love it.  It'll be the start of something good in my day.  mmm.  This is a good plan.  Thanks.

It's Something That I Love

There's nothing miraculous about one of our church services, if you think about it with an American mindset and consider the freedom to worship a given.  It's just that our meeting are really precious to me.  I don't mean to keep coming back to this, but I have prayed for such a long, long time for this very thing that I can't seem to get away from this gratuitous frame of mind.  All these other things that trip me up pale in comparison to being part of this precious fellowship.  It's the accountability, the teaching, and the functionality that I love.

Last week at Bible study, I laid all my cards on the table, so to speak.  I have shared a lot of things in our circle of ladies, but I always strategically position myself behind what's left of the wall that keeps me safe from being completely vulnerable.  In my heart I believe that we'll be here forever and there's nothing to lose by sharing my real, true self, but in my knower I'm pretty sure there is a reason to keep what's left of the wall in place.  For whatever reason, this time when it came to my turn to share I just let it all out.  Starting with the way that I talk to my kids.  I was trying all these alternative routes to changing my attitude toward them and nothing was working so I just spilled my guts about how awful I am everyday in response to countless questions and constant requests for attention.  Usually when I talk to someone about this, we laugh about it and relate perfectly to one another because it is so common.  I explain it away as normal, never giving sin it's full credit therefore nothing changes.  This time one of the women in the group blasted me with reproof.  Her tone was so severe that I get goosebumps every time I think about it.  She spoke from a heart of love, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I am thankful for such action because it has initiated change in my behavior and my prayer life concerning this matter. 

In our church meetings we have been studying 1 Peter.  The last few verses of the first chapter and the first three of the second teach a remarkable doctrine that I have never heard or been taught in all my years of church-going.  Let me just share it with you.  It says:

1 Peter 1:22 "Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart,

23 for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.

24 For, "ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF, 25 BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER." And this is the word which was preached to you.

2:1 Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord."

God has instilled in us this love for one another, those who are in Christ, along with our new hearts at conversion.  What happens now is that Christ commands us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER FERVENTLY FROM THE HEART.  This kind of love is not an "intentional handshake at greeting time" love.  It's a love that forgives, it is unconditional.  It works in practical ways to show and build depth of love.  It doesn't fade.

The next verses talk about the imperishable seed that we have been born of: the Word of God, the GOSPEL OF CHRIST.  This love will not fade or go away; we are in it for the long haul together.  Essentially, Jesus commands us to love one another with this love that never fades.  This command is only second to loving God wholly!  It is not something that we try to do or want to do, but that we HAVE TO DO.  It is serious stuff!

And further, "putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander." We have to get all of this out of our vernacular, it cannot abide in our fellowship if we truly, fervently love one another.  Instead, "long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation..."  We have tasted the goodness of God, now crave more of Him and His word!  It's so good.

It's not that I wasn't always taught the golden rule, but the emphasis on this directive was never taught in this way.  It's critical.  One of the reasons Christ redeemed us to himself was to love His body, the church.  What an amazing gift He has given to us in giving us one another! 

Finally I have to share how I am seeing the functionality of this passage even now, played out in our fellowship.  We've been having church here at our house for several weeks now.  There has not been one Sunday that everyone left and I had to work to get the house back in order.  Usually I don't even realize the kitchen is being cleaned up until it's almost done.  People just get up and start working.  After a buffet-style meal for forty people, that's a huge blessing.  I never expect it, and I am always grateful.  It is a small act of love and service that means so much to me. 

I pray that each of you find yourselves in a fellowship of believers that truly loves one another, even if there are only a few together.  It makes the journey such a joy rather than an uphill siege.

Sunday, lovely Sunday

After a week full of answered prayers the Lord blessed us with the gift of a cool, breezy morning.  Dale's mom was with us this morning and got to enjoy a beautiful start to a lovely day.  We all sat on the porch talked for a while, then we watched as a mother bird tutored her baby bird in the ways of the world.  The baby hopped back over the yard while she flew back and forth from ground to tree limb making short hops in between to teach the tiny thing how to do it.  It was the most precious sight!  We could have stayed all morning and watched them.

In case you're curious I am seventeen weeks now and have been showing since I was about six hours along.  When my tummy is nice and round I will post some pictures.  Until then, it's too hard to get a photo that is flattering in any way.  I am enjoying a healthy mix of normal clothes and maternity clothes, which is nice because I don't feel totally confined to my narrow maternity wardrobe.  We'll see once fall hits how that all plays out.  The Lord continues to provide in the most amazing ways, and I am abundantly thankful.

Now that my kids have accomplished sooo much of the housework in prep for church tonight, I could sit here and stare at this screen for the rest of my free time, but I won't.  I always feel scattered when we get down to the four o'clock hour- especially if I haven't had a chance to fix myself up after the rat race.  So... In an effort to avoid that I guess I'll get on it.  Or maybe take a nap.

Lake of the Ozarks 2010: Part Two

This is the lookout point over Truman Lake.  We watched a little movie about why the lake was built (while the real adventurers trekked out into the heat to visit the one room schoolhouse a mile away); it was quite fascinating!  I couldn't give you many details in recollection because that's not really my strong suit, but I will tell you that the flooding in this area caused millions of dollars worth of damage.  The lake is a blessing that keeps on giving to the community.

Deisha and I spent many hours in the car while she napped.  It was more important to me that she rest and be tolerable later than for her to catch up with the fun that everyone else was having.  I didn't mind being that I'd rather sit and people watch anyway.  When she did wake up this day we went straight into the Dogpatch, a huge gift shop, on the strip downtown.  Little did I know when we walked in that we would stop just a few feet from the front door and there stay planted for close to twenty minutes.  The toys, the candy, and the shiny rocks were no distraction for this little mama.  She fell in love with the hermit crabs and made it her duty to watch over them for as long as I would allow it. 

Frankly, I loved watching her watch them in wonder.  If I only had one child, I would have come home with a hermit crab that day.  I should say if I had only had one child and had not already buried seven previous crabs, I would have bought her one to love for it's short life. Nothing lives too long in her care; she literally loves them to death. 

Here is the crew next to the stream flowing out from the springs at Ha ha Tonka.

Further into the state park there are castle ruins.  Who knew there were castles in the Midwest hundreds of years ago.  I can't give you more details than that because it was a million degrees.  It was all I could do to keep walking and snapping pictures around this wonderful mystery.  There was nothing left in me to read the signs.  But don't fret.  We'll go again and I'll tell you all about it next time.  I'm sure you're dying to know!

The main reason we ventured further into the park was for Deisha, Tre, and Leila.  Tre was too little to remember from our previous trip, and Leila and Deisha were just dreams in our hearts the last time we visited.

Here is how everyone else enjoyed the castle ruins.

This stairway leads up to a lookout point over the springs.  You can actually see this point from the castle ruins and conversely the castle ruins from this point.  Pretty neat.  I've never climbed the six thousand or so stairs to the lookout point.  That may surprise you about me, but it's true.  Tre, however, ran up and down the stairs twice before I stopped him from a third trek up.  It was a hundred degrees.  He also wore this fur hat every minute of the trip that I didn't make him take it off.  I finally said, "Tre, if you are sweating, I want you to take off your hat." He conceded but it was not without a little pout.  It was his first real Davy Crockett hat; who could blame him?

Lake of the Ozarks 2010

This is the third time we've gone to Lake of the Ozarks with the Richmond Suttons.  Every year we try to do all the things we did the years before to keep our traditions going, starting with Gravois Mills.

You might be surprised to learn that the sign on the gate said the place was closed when you see these pictures.  It looks like a goldmine to me, but for whatever reason the place was run down and the ground keepers house was empty. We managed to find a way to enjoy ourselves regardless of the signs.

Next stop, Haha Tonka State Park, I think.  There is a natural spring about half a mild down this path.  In 95 degree weather, it seems like a long walk.  It was, however, shaded and near the stream which is about 57 degrees, so it wasn't as bad as I anticipated.

I guess it wasn't exactly the next stop.  It was one of the places we went.  Forget what I said about that.  I don't even know if that's where I took this picture, but it might have been.  I was precariously snapping pictures amidst my heatstroke.  Forgive me.  I am still suffering the effects of it.

It's so cute to see these two together.  She has always adored him.  By the way, this wasn't the only picture of Lonnie and a trash can, but in the other one Dale insisted on revealing his stomach knowing full well I wouldn't post it.  He has this thing about having his picture taken lately...

I have lots more pictures to share but they will have to wait for the next time.  Happy day to you!

First Day of School!!!

I have to tell you, this is the first year, in all of my seven-ish years of homeschooling, that I have felt hopeful about the school year.  Don't get me wrong, I have been excited before, but that's not saying much. This year I have a different perspective, a new outlook.  I have a general sense of okayness. 

With that said, we had a relatively predictable first day of chaos and disorder.  The difference was that this year there was no yelling, no one cried, and I don't feel like eating a whole carton of butter brickle ice cream to settle my nerves.  I feel good. 

What changed, you may ask?  My fetters were loosed.  The expectation of educating five children at five grade levels blew my mind, and it fettered me, so I cut it off.  The idea that it was necessary to teach math, English, science, history, grammar, spelling, reading, and writing on a daily basis fettered me too, so I let that one go.  The fact that every fifteen seconds someone interrupts what I am saying to ask me a question fetters me.  Actually that one drives me over the cliff.  (It's a part of my vocation that I struggle with every day, all day long, and I have yet to embrace it.  I discourage it, really.  I may have been quoted recently in saying, "Please don't ask me unnecessary questions!!" after one of my children bombed me with ridiculous questions for fifteen minutes and then laughed and said it was just a joke.)  By planning fewer lessons and organizing the necessary lessons differently I have been able to curb the interruptions while I am working one-on-one.  The space helps too.  Instead of being dog piled into one area we are able to spread out.  It's a welcome change. 

Victoria Botkin really drew me into greener pastures with her "Curriculum Advice" lecture series. Her whole approach, after schooling seven children, is to relax.  Don't focus on grade levels, busy work, and achievement tests.  Spend time being creative and allowing for discovery. 

After graduating with a 4.0 and little recollection of the prior years' learning, I have come to realize that my deepest understanding came from a hunger to learn, and the quest following that hunger.  If I can trigger that in my children, they will sprout a love for learning that may prove to be lifelong.  If I am hostile and tyrannical in our daily lessons this dream will never become a reality.  It's not a race, it's a diligent investment, and with that in mind, I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can, but only by the grace of God. 

Blessings

We have been blessed to be welcomed into the church that we have been praying for, for years and years.  It seemed like a simple request, but the rarity of our fellowship is such that it took over a decade, and travelling back and forth across the country to find it.  I can't say that I am surprised, I honestly didn't think it would ever happen, but it was well worth the wait.  I don't think I could've possible appreciated it way back then when I was wishing for it, as much as I do now. 

What I love about it is... for one thing it's small; eight families.  Worship is intimate, reverent, and the focus is never on a person or a performance, but it is always Jesus.  The Bible teaching is core, systematic, and sound doctrinally.  There is an opportunity for everyone to share every week, either prayer needs, or exciting answers to prayer, or things to sharpen one another.  The kids sit through every service, gleaning what they can from the depth of the teaching, and after each meeting, we have a meal together.  There is a real opportunity to bear each others' burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ because we know each other, and we continue to learn about each other every week.  We share our heavy burdens and they are lightened.  There is wisdom in many different areas from each walk of life, and there is a very real love for the brethren.

I can't even describe to you what a blessing it has been to be part of this body.  I guess the biggest thing is that I feel safe; safe to share, safe to invest, safe about my future there. There are people in our fellowship that are enduring immeasurably difficult trials, but they are victorious because in Christ they have not had to walk through the darkness alone.  While there is heaviness at times, there are people around them consistently to hold their hands and encourage them to keep going.  It gives me the confidence to accept anything that may come our way with grace and courage in Christ, knowing that He will sustain me, and that the body of Christ will without a doubt come to my aid in my time of need. 

Praise be to God, the Giver of every good and perfect gift!

And then there were seven

Let me start by saying WE'RE PREGNANT!  Haha!!!  Another Sutton will be making its way into the world in nine-ish months. 

Were we surprised?  Relatively.  I guess as much as you were, maybe a little less. 

Did we plan to have another baby?  Moreso than any other child, surprisingly. 

Are we going to keep having babies until we're unable to have anymore?  It's difficult to say.  My life is not my own.

We've talked about letting go of the controls in this area of our lives and frankly, its what we should have done from the beginning.  This is a walk of faith.  If we really believe that children are a blessing, a gift, a reward... well that's all I'm saying.  How real is this faith?  There are a million practical reasons not to have more children.  I thought of them all before anyone brought them to my attention.  But I believe the Bible is the standard, the manual, the actual Word of God.  It is the very rock that I want to be established on.  And it says to have children, that children are a gift from the Lord, they they are a heritage, they are like arrows in the hands of a warrior.  How can I not accept this blessing?  And besides, where does it say, "Be practical about chosing when and how many children to have."  It's God who does the chosing.

I don't know why He chose us to impart this abundance to.  It's humbling, especially in moments of weakness when I am at the end of my well of virtues and find myself screaming at some poor child in my home who is certainly undeserving of such a response. 

Pregnancy turns my internal thermostat to "moderately hostile" from morning to night.  As hard as I fight it, there is nothing good in me and the ugly continues to roar in the face of my family members.  So rather than blow every five minutes, please pray for me to be quiet.  Even if rage burns, I want to keep it locked behind my lips.  It's a new resolve. 

So there you have it.  Celebrate with us.  New life is coming!

The beat goes on

When we first moved in, I was on a roll.  I was getting up early to pray and read the Word, the house was clean, the laundry was caught up, I had it all together, except for the cooking part.  That is still a work in progress.  But lately, ugh.  I'm tired.  I'm lazy.  I'm in a slump.  I just want to sit around.  It's really a blessing that we don't have cable because this is the time when I would willingly subject myself to hours of the cooking channel with reckless abandon. 

Fortunately for my family, we don't have cable.  Instead I find myself staring at the wall.  I am starting to lose ground with the house, but I am at least trying to plan my meals ahead a day at a time.  Tonight, fortunately, we have the church pot luck and I can get by with a broccoli salad, a pan of baked beans, and a loaf of bread.  Someone will inevidibly bring hot dogs for the kids and there will be a nice colorful salad, if nothing else, for the grown ups.

I'm just tired.  And now my house is filled with noise again and I am starting to lose my mind when there are more than three people screaming at the same time.  Sometimes it's all I can do to manage this cup and little spoon.

Such is life.

Hi!

Oh, yeah!!!  Suprise, surprise!!!  I AM BACK!  Today I want to write about blogs.  There are so many of them.  I mean, anything I want to learn about from real people, there are literally enough blogs about that thing that I can catalogue a whole list of them- just ones I really love!  Seriously- in my favorites I have homeschooling, cooking, couponing, design inspiration, current events.... it could go on and on.  Depending on my mood, I can open the folder and learn all kinds of things about those very things.

Here's the thing about bloggers.  They have some sort of mastery.  They are good at one of those things on the list.  Get it?  I read them and want to master these things, but there's no way to master the whole list, so I read it and get inspired, and then I read some more and I start to feel inadequate. 

I always wondered what my life would be like if I didn't probe into other people's lives and try to compare myself and then try to morph into that mold.

I've been piddling away the day.  Our summer vacation started at my mom's where we celebrated my grandma's 80th birthday, which was super-duper loads of fun.  Then we came back, three kids short, and spent three days with Dale, who had a super-duper three day weekend after our weekend.  Which gave me a six-day weekend with three less kids.  The house was already clean and there's barely any laundry, so since he's gone and there's not much to do, I'm piddling away my days.  And then I got on this website  http://megduerksen.typepad.com/whatever/ and started reading and it made me want to do more with my kids this summer- to be intentional.  I spend so much of my time trying to make MY life more simple but my kids are off doing their own thing and the day's gone. 


There has to be more that I can do to make this a great summer for my crew.  She has a to-do list on her wall for the summer.  That's what I think we'll do.  We'll make a checklist and then at the end of the summer, we can look back at the list and talk about how great it was.

Still Floundering

Where to begin, where to begin...  I am hesitant to even begin writing knowing it could be months before I am back to regularity, but I miss you all so much.  My heart is sick over not being able to contact you via email.  There's just so much to do yet, and the days are flying by with little time for reflection!

I'll tell you what I can see from this perspective.  We've set up the computer in the family room in the basement.  I love it because I am not tempted to sit down here every time I walk by- the fact is that I don't just walk by.  I have to be intentional about getting here, which makes for much less frivolity of my time.  The TV is also down here, and that without cable which means when we want to watch something, it takes effort.  I love it.

The spring has sprung here in lovely Missouri.  From the French doors I can see out into the backyard and into the woods behind.  There are green leaves coming up all over the ground, which is like a surprise in slow motion.  We have been told what is growing there, but having no knowledge of horticulture, the wonder and mystery remain!  There is a filled-in coy pond that doubles as a fire pit.  Around it there are bundles of tall yellow grass, recently trimmed.  Birdhouses hang and stand in various places, but are yet to be consistently frequented by birds, thanks to my routineless existence.  The birdseed is gone for days before we refill it.  The trees remain bare except for tiny green buds: the promise of things to come,  and the wind rolls fiercly and constantly singing in low tones when the house is quiet enough to listen.

I am in love, truly in love.  The Creator of the universe and every living being has shown us His favor and tended diligently to our hearts desires.  For that I remain in humble gratitude, moment by moment, knowing that I am but a worm, and a vapor, and completely undeserving of any of this. 

A Few Things

I'm finding my heart full often. The little blessings continue to fall into our lives, and we continue to give praise to God for every little thing. 

    Last night we were driving home from Target and Dale turned down a sidestreet, spontaneously.  My heart leapt when I realized we were dropping in for a visit at my brother's house. They welcomed us into their home at nearly eight o'clock and cheered our surprise visit enthusiastically.  It's a gift every time.

   The realtor sent me a message yesterday to let me know that the dishwasher blew out last week in our new house, but because it was under warranty, they were able to replace it and POOF!  Just like that, we have a brand new dishwasher just waiting to be loaded with our dishes!  These little blessings, they blow me away.

    Homeschooling is going well for the first time in a very long time.  I have the time and attention to give to each of the kids, being that we have most meals served to us and maidservice.  I know that it won't last, but having a jump start and a few good weeks of learning will help my attitude and the kids' attitudes going into some chaos as we being the moving-in process.  This is a huge blessing because, while I am whole-heartedly a homeschool advocate, I am not very good at it and sometimes I really dread the responsibility.  Having a few good weeks in a row is a big deal.

    And one more thing...  Dale found out that he has training out of state the week we were scheduled to move into our house.  We moved the closing back, which means the day the  movers come to unload boxes, he'll be gone.  However, God in His infinite wisdom worked every detail out beforehand.  My mom and Dale's mom are both on spring break that very week!  So, thankfully, I will have lots of help navigating through the boxes. 

Thank you God for these precious blessings.  You are so, so good!

PS Please forgive my typos.  With the new blogger format, I am unable to locate the spell check and frankly I've become dependent on that blasted thing and no longer keep a dictionary at my side.  Obviously that will need to change because it's just too embarrassing having misspelled words everywhere and being unawares.  xoxo  You are so kind to overlook my ridiculous idiosyncrisies.

Been awhile...

Oh hi there, are you still here?  HAHA!  I think of you often, and honestly, I miss you often.  It's just that, well, I got a little busy when we moved across the country.  I'm living in a hotel, see, and I have six kids.  Here in the Bible belt, it snows whenever it wants and so I'm stranded while the four-wheel-drive is incorporated into the commute.  My mornings start early and I am busy keeping all of the children busy with a schedule that won't quit.  If I don't fill their time, I risk being thrown into the street from the fighting and bouncing off the walls.  It's just the way it is.  But I'll return.  I feel feverish to write lately.  It's what I love, it's what I do.  I need to be here everyday.  So thanks for never giving up.  You make me always want to come back and start again.

lvb

The Party

So I told the kids that we would have a little party this week before they go back to school.  I don't know why I offer these suggestions up.  It's really laziness, initially.  I make these promises to give them something to look forward to and then I don't want to do it.  I don't want to do it at all.  I spend the whole day hoping we'll need to cancel.  It's so mean, but it's real, folks.  I mean, how many nights of being a happy party mom can I be, really?

This photo freaks me out a little.  Kennedy having friends that are older than the other kids is fine because they don't look that much older, except THIS friend.  The boys are all in love with her because she's gorgeous, and she's tough, and she beats them all up at school.  Did I mention that she's ten and in real life she looks older than Kennedy.  They are in a different age bracket.  It's strange, but it's real.  I'm about to have a teenager in my family. **sigh**

Micah spent a lot of the night schooling Nick on table manners and appropriate conversation for mixed company, but he somehow forgot when they started an extended, detailed debate about puss.  I'm just glad it didn't happen at the table. 

The kids each invited one friend over and I made them pizza.  When they got there I didn't have any done so I made some breadsticks to hold them off a few more minutes until I could get some real food on the table, then it came out one pizza at a time, which they promptly descended on like vultures.  It was crazy!  I would set it down, and it was gone.  There was a point when I honestly thought they wouldn't stop eating, and I would have to tell them there was no more food.  I put less and less sauce and cheese on each one so that if I had to make a second batch of dough I'd have something to put on top of it.  I ended up making two pans of breadsticks, six pizzas, and two dessert pizzas for 11 kids.  It seemed like a lot, especially when they ate pickles and popcorn during the movie.  YEEOWWW!! 

I managed to get them all in this magical shot!  They didn't spend the night, we just had a couple of kids show up in their jammies with their pillows and blankets so the other kids quickly followed suit, except the big girls, of course. 

I was hoping this was it for the parties for a while, but Jas is making plans for her birthday in two weeks.  I am really dreading having another bash at my house, any suggestions?  

lvb