Waiting

It's the waiting that drives me crazy.

Maybe you've heard that we applied for Leavenworth last month. I feel like I've lived a lot of my life waiting for my real life to start. Here I am a third of the way through and I'm still waiting for the next chapter so my real life can start. It's not that I don't take this part seriously, because I do. It's just that I have this idea of what it should look like, and it doesn't. Some things do, like the dreamy husband and houseful of kids, but this little bitty borrowed place that we call home doesn't fit the model of my real life. And neither does California.

When I was fourteen, my aunt Kim brought me out here for the first time. I gotta tell ya, I was pretty darn dazzled by the culture out here. I had only one connection to California, and she fit the mold of Californians to a tee and I adored her. The ocean, the mohawks, the mountains, the Birkenstock, all of it; I was in love. But then I grew up, and decided who I was, and that there was a good life right were I was: the right life. So ten years later when we made a second trip across the country for my brother's wedding, it was clarity for me that I never had any interest in living in California. My life was goood. RRRREALLY goood!

You can imagine my surprise when we got the call that we were being considered for a position in California. Then we moved out here. BUT we knew we would be able to leave in a year or two, and it got our foot in the door so we could do it. Plus the ocean, the mountains, the flowers, the fruit; there are perks.


But this is what I really want to be looking at, from the passenger's side of a moving truck. The wonder is gone. This place has lost it's luster. (I do love the vineyards, but that's it. Nothing else!) I just want to go home. I want to appreciate the turning of the leaves, drifts of snow, Midwestern wildlife. I want to get in my car and drive for a few hours and be immediately welcomed by people that love us and know us. I want to put roots down and stay put. To know my mailman and the local butcher. To connect with the farmers at the farmers markets and call them by name. To go through the same line in the checkout long enough to learn the cashier well enough to bring her Christmas cookies when we do our deliveries. I want to go to a church more than an hour a week and work hard to establish relationships with people there so that we can function in the body of Christ as we were intended to.

All of these things I could do here, really I could. I just haven't because I thought we were leaving all this time. We really might be leaving and I have high hopes for our future. So for now we're just waiting. Honestly, it's the hardest part.

writing

I used to write in the evenings after the kids went to bed. Eventually I started writing in progression to make books, but before that, I just sat down and started writing. Today I was cleaning out some files in our computer and opened a file that said "writing". When I started reading it blasted me back to my life in Missouri when Dale was going to school and I was working. It was a seriously loco life, but we were truly happy. Here's a glimpse.

There were days when nothing else mattered. That tiny twinkle of laughter became a clanging cymbal ringing through the house everyday, all day long. It evoked such unspeakable joy in my soul that I can't even begin to describe it. I would be in the next room giggling to myself; heaven forbid my little ones see me laughing about them saying "fart head" or "butt crack"... anything on the naughty list was funny. Then they would scream with laughter. That usually snapped me out of Lala Land nostalgia and back into mommy mode. How could I raise little ladies and gentlemen if I let them say those filthy words and scream at the lunch table?

And now here I sit in the quiet. This coveted quiet that someday will haunt me. The other night Dale was out alone on a call. He had to be close so he stayed in a hotel. He said it was such an overwhelming feeling to be in a room where it was empty and quiet and there was no noise, all quiet. Before he knew it, it was 12:30, long past time to get up. What is it about quiet that we crave so deeply when we have none? Then once the noise is gone, the quiet screams in our ears.

xoxo

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Oh what a beautiful MOOOORRR-NINNNNGGGG, Oh what a beautiful day...

I heart all holidays. I mean, Thanksgiving? Come on. A day to be--- that's right, thankful! Say thank you. Feel gratitude. Celebrate everything you have ever appreciated. Reflect on the goodness of the Giver of every good gift. And eat. Eat as if it's the physical manifestation of your gratuity. Seriously, how can you not love that?
We had a really great day. I didn't spoil the oven with burnt pie filling, the turkey cooked all the way through, had plenty of time to rest, and really wowed Dale. I can't lie, the green rice was a total loss, and the stuffing wasn't my fave. And the rolls were not the tender delicious goodness I would have preferred, but over all I think the food was spot on, which means two days of labor for the grand finale was not in vain.

There were a few times that I let myself ponder the feasting in Emporia and Richmond, but not for long. We have a ready-made party full of sincerely gratuitous eaters which makes it all worth it. Happy Thanksgiving, sweet friends and neighbors. I hope you all had the best, best, best ever!!!

HEY!! I have a new nephew too! WOOHOO! Welcome to the world, Dylan. May the fullness of your life be the blessed sweet gift from God that we all believe it is going to be. I can't wait to snuggle you! Congratulations, Dave and Erin. We are SOOOO happy for you!

A Peek

I am already starting to feel the end of the holiday season...BOOOOOoooohooohoohoo!!! I know, it's crazy. Once again, I am so thankful to have the inauguration of this wonderful season early. I just can't believe Thanksgiving is here!!!


Today I have planned for myself a long list of things to do, but I keep dragging my feet hoping to slow the clock. I want to bake pies and rolls and make stock for the dumplins and put together the stuffing and green rice. And then there are my projects. I can't remember if I've mentioned that we are making all our gifts this year... I finished this fantastic number for Tre last night.

I found it on etsy.com in HiDeebug's Shop and fell in love with it. I am hesitant to show it off because no one seems to be as excited about it as I am, but whatevs. I think it screams TREBO!!
And then there is the playhouse I'm working on for the little girls.
Mine doesn't look like this, I took the idea and tweaked it to: a. fit my dining room table and b: suit my girls. I got the idea from this homemadebyjill.blogspot.com. I will post pictures when I get it a little closer to the finish line. Today I will complete my first pair of legwarmers and start on the next. So it's good. Even with just a few hours of sleep, I feel energized. I am finding that when I have something to work on, I'd rather just keep working on it. Midnight comes and goes and before I know it hours have passed. Maybe it's the quiet house with Dale working in the next room, or maybe it's the "eye on the prize" thing that seems to rule me when I have a project in motion. I can't be sure, but it's fun. Even the kids feel that way. Every afternoon we collect around the table with scraps and sewing machines and tape and paper and create cool secret stuff for each other. Everyone is trying to sneak a peak and cover their work. What I love is that at some point in the day someone always says, "This is so much better than watching TV!" It really is. There is something magical about being creative together. I love it.

Little Miracles

This morning when I dropped the kids off at school, I perused the Thanksgiving potluck table only to discover that my kids were going to be feasting on cookies, fruit, and cinnamon rolls. I hurried home to make them some pigs in a blanket and start Dale's lunch. When I dropped them off at the school, second trip, I had plenty of time to put Dale's lunch and dinner together before he left for work, and Deisha was sleeping at home. Everything was going smoothly until Leila paused by the back tire of our truck and said, "Hey, what's that sound?"

I don't notice things like that. I was focussed on getting home to get Dale out the door. I never would have paid attention to the hissing coming from the tire if she hadn't said something about it. When I looked closer, I saw a broken screw sticking out of the tread. boo....

Being just under a mile from Wal-Mart and about six from home, I went to Wal-Mart. They rushed us in, knowing the circumstances could be dire, and we settled in for the wait.

Dale eventually had to make his own lunch and bring Deisha to Wal-Mart because we were there for over two hours. Apparently getting the car into the garage was critical but fixing the tire was not. Never mind that. All I could think about was how hysterical I would have been if I had walked out the door to pick the kids up and found a flat tire. Do you know how big that tire is? And I've never changed a tire except on the Tonka truck my Barbies used to take the to beach.

God is good. He takes such care to tend to the minutia in my life. Thank You, Lord, for Leila's attentiveness, and thank you for not putting me through the trauma of a flat tire.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer...

... is to watch a Christmas movie everyday until Christmas comes!!!~

We watched the last movie, and the best movie, in this collection last night and I just had to share it with you. I loved it. I was swept with romance watching a The Shop Around the Corner. If Dale hadn't been there I would've have been with me I would've giggled and sighed through the whole movie. I mean, I would've giggled and sighed with less restraint through the whole movie. It was fantastic... witty and charming and Jimmy Stewart, and oooohhh..... I love, love, LOVED IT!!!

On a side note, I'm desperate to redesign my website, but I have no idea when it comes to that kind of thing. In rememberance of snow, I've painted the whole canvas white, but it's not exactly where I want to stop. Can anyone help me? I have some ideas for what I want but don't know how to bring them to life. Just email me if you can help me out. Happy Tuesday, all!!!~

I finished it!!!

I started this quilt a while back... like maybe two years ago. I got inspired when I found a brand new, chocolate brown, king size, 400 count flat sheet for $5 at Goodwill.

Not long afterwards Dale and I were in a consignment shop and I rounded up a bunch of different fabrics from shirts and dresses and sheets and took them home where they stayed in a bag for about six months.

One day I pulled them out, cut them up, pieced them together, stacked up the layers, and safety pinned them in place only to stuff the little darling back into a dark place for another six months or so.

I don't know what inspired me to start quilting, but once I started I was very diligent about getting that part done. I did chalk sketches on the brown side and went to town.
This is the side I really love. I wished I would've done a flat sheet on both sides and spent all my time on the handiwork, but it was my first go at it. If we don't transfer I'll paint the room and hang things on the wall, make shams, and take new pictures of how it's supposed to work in a room. For now, we're in limbo so I'm stalling. I mean, we've only been here two and a half years, why should we feel planted? Right? Am I RIGHT?

For Alexa

This week I hastened to finish my quilt so that I could get on to some more exciting projects.

This is actually Kennedy's. She's so creative; she whipped this out in about 15 minutes and ditched me for the neighborhood kids.

This is my owl.

My mom made felt ornaments when we were kids that I adore and still hang every year.

This one was embroidered; but the back was felt. And it has my name on it. That was really big deal to me.

This one doesn't have my name on it, but I'm pretty sure it's me because I was the only girl with red hair so... yep. And those were my hearts.

After some serious perusing of the handmade holiday flare online, I decided to take the plunge into my felt surplus and voila!

Now you know what I was doing, Alexa. xoxoxo!

Auntb

I know this really great lady...

I love this gal. When she is on my calendar, it's like there's a sparkle that lights up every time I remember that she's coming.

On this trip- now I can't remember what I've already posted about... Boo to lost brain cells and scatterbraination. It's a chronic sickness that I've suffered from my whole life. At any rate, we had fun, fun, fun. Here she is making Halloween cookies with Leila. I have never been successful at making cookie cutouts and decided to give it another go. I guess I've gained some ground working with dough and all because they came off without a hitch this time. Hip hip HOORAY!!!
And they were a big hit for everyone that rang our doorbell before the Trick-or-Treating hour. They were also a nice addition to our Halloween party Friday night where we had a decoration station.

Oh the joy of a party at our house with just us. I'm forever grateful that we are a ready-party at any moment. There are so many of us that someone is always the life of the party. And sometimes we all are!

Oh, me? Did you want a picture of me? I'm so distracted by the ruckus in this place that I didn't know you were taking a picture of me. Nice one.

And the aftermath... it's wonderful. This is our favorite thing: to pile up on the couches with our blankies and snuggle and tightly as possible. Usually with a dog or two in the mix. Thanks for coming, Mawmaw. We love you so, so, so much!!!

Today I really love my life.

In all honesty, I have a ton of blogging to do. SO much is going on and it's the most wonderful time of the year! I'm so busy in the wild revelry of it all that I am finding it difficult to work my writing into it. It's a happy busyness that I wouldn't trade. We're leaving tomorrow morning for Palm Springs to see our friends from Nebraska which means I'm on borrowed time even now as I type. It just seemed pertinent to do this now, while I'm burning cds for the trip. Catch you on the flip!!!

Cinnamon Rolls

One night while Sarah was at my house I made cinnamon rolls- just a little pan for the three of us. Before they came out of the oven she asked me to make some for the dressing rooms the day of her wedding.

When they came out, they were impossible to get out of the pan without reheating the carmel in the bottom. I was literally chiseling them out of the pan and smearing them with cream cheese frosting so that they would have some redeeming factor. Then I asked her if she wanted to rethink her request...

So after she left, I tried again. And guess what... they came out beautifully! I'm posting these photos here to solidify my credentials in honor of my sweet, sweet Sista, who ate the crunchy ones and said they were still good anyway. xoxox

yyyyyyyYYYYUUUUUUMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!

HOOWWWLLL-O-WEEEEEENNNN ooOOoooo

We love Halloween for a lot of reasons. For one thing, it's the first holiday of a long string of holidays that we love to celebrate. Frankly, we love all of them. Any reason to bust out of the norm we will relish.

You can't see our costumes but we did dress up for Trick-or-Treating. Dale wrote "This Space for SALE" on his forehead, and I wore a Superman cape. I adore him.

Deisha was a lion. Dana and I chased her around the yard trying to get a good picture of her in her costume but she wouldn't have it. She's really naughty. Believe it.

Scooder was a skunk. See the little flower just off to the side of his white stripe? Yep. That's our dog...

THERE SHE IS! She was so mad at me for putting whiskers on her cheeks that she tried to rub them off as soon as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. At each house she walked up to the door and said, "roarrr," and then proceeded to push past the resident into their home. She didn't want candy or kudos, just wanted to check out the house. Nice.

Guess what Micah was! That's right, a hobo!!! No I'm just kidding. He was a pirate, you were right. He really wanted to wear a white tank undershirt under this jacket, but it was see-through and very tight. It took some convincing, but he went with the black shirt before it was all said and done. I really am trying to train myself to not control everything. He had his ideas of what his costume should look like and I had mine. I kept reminding myself that discovery is a vital part of the creative process and if I keep force feeding my own creativity, they can't discover their own.

We bought Tre's costume at the thrift store over a month ago, at his bidding. He begged and pleaded with us to buy it, giving his full assurance that he would be content to be a ninja for Halloween. Then we got this little sweetheart in the mail and he wore it for days before the actual night out. How could I refuse? He's a perfect ninja turtle.

Sis borrowed this prom dress from our neighbor and added eyelashes, make-up, wings, and black ringlettes. She's a butterfly, of course. I mean a fairy. I mean a fairy princess! Just look at her, can't you tell? She got bored of trick-or-treating one street after the little ones went in for the night. She said, "I'm just tired of it. I guess I'm getting older." How weird is that?

Lol bought this costume when Tre got the ninja costume, but she threw a fit when it was time to get dressed because she wanted to wear her tiny tutu that Nana made her. Just the tutu. And she would have too, if I had agreed to it. But it was cold and she's still little enough for me to be in control of her. HAAAAAhahahaha. I wish I could remember how I taught her that so I could teach Deisha...

Our sweet little kitty found this dress at Goodwill. She didn't know what it was or how she would use it as a costume, but she wanted it REEEEALLLY badly. So I bought it. Then we added ears, a tail, and some whiskers. Isn't she sweet? Turns out the tag on it read "Black cat costume". Gotta love it.

The night of the holiday, I let the kids gobble up as much as they want of the candy- within reason. I have a couple of them that will eat till they can't hold anymore. But then the next day, I let them pick out a few of their favorite candy out of the stash and then take all the rest into a community collection. This way I don't find candy wrappers on the floor every day until the Fourth of July, and I can monitor when and how much they are eating. Also, I can sneak it out of the house a little at a time and no one cares because it's not "theirs" anymore.

Long after trick-or-treating was done, and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown had been on the loop for a few hours, we retreated to the living room in our jammies with flashlights and blankets for the annual Scariest Noise Competition and Scariest Story Competition. For the first time ever, we added a Scariest Shadow Puppets Competition. Tre swept the competition with first prize in both scariest light and scariest story. There was a draw in the scariest noise division between Mawmaw's growly throat noise and Dale's "I don't speak no gobledee gook" song. All in all it was a great night full of tradition and new memories!!

Sista came to town!!!

Some people are born into a family as an only-child. Other people have siblings, but they are the only one of their gender.

Not me, I got it all. God blessed me, long before I realized or appreciated it, with the gift of brothers, AND a sister. Having the relationship that we have makes me want to have more children in hopes of creating this connection between them. But in all actuality, I really might just have a one-of-a-kind.

I have had Sista's undivided attention for a very, very, very long time. If I needed her, she was there. If I was in another state, she would be there before nightfall. When I told her I was pregnant for the fifth time while I was working to put Dale through school, she packed her bags, quit a job that she loved, and moved into my living room with a couch as her only personal space, which she shared willingly when someone needed a place to sit down.

When she is with my children, she takes them to the park, pushes them on the swings, chases them through the grass, and laughs at their jokes. She also organizes dance parties, dress-up parties, and skating parties.

Who knew she made perfectly thin tortillas?!?!

I have had the good life for a long time now. I may have at times taken for granted that she was all mine, but on the whole, I knew how good I had it. On that same token, I know full well that the time is coming to pass that luxury on as her wedding approaches.

Our connection is going to take a bumpy ride as it morphs into whatever it will become as jonjenek takes his permanent place in her world. I have prayed for this to happen for as long as I have been happily married. Now that it's really happening, I am trying to soak up every second of single Sista that I can soak.

Thanks to Dale's suave persuasion, she packed her bags one more time and boarded a plane to California to spend one more weekend of doing all these things that we do when we're together, and talking and laughing and staying up too late.

BOOOO!!!! WAAAAAHH!!! BOOOOhoohoohoo... WAAAAAAAAaaaahhh.... boohoohoo... boo...

...hmph.