John Mayer wrote this song that goes...
Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's movin in...
I'm sure he wrote it at that crossroad, the first time you realize how fast life is going and you think, "Man, I wish I could just go home." This song always blasts me back to mornings when I was in grade school and I'd wake up before the sun. My mom would already be fully dressed making breakfast and slinging sandwiches into sandwich bags. I loved that time in my life, it was so predictable.
Needless to say the train is picking up speed. We were talking about Dale's friend at work being 45 years old and expecting his second child soon. I said, "You know, I can see us being in our thirties, it wasn't difficult for me. But I cannot imagine us being forty-five. *which makes Kennedy 20*" I know, it's a long way off, but it's coming. When do you get to an age that feels right? Maybe you grow each age as it comes.
What is shocking to me is how days can pass that I replay in my mind and cannot remember accomplishing a single thing. Then other days, I can do a weeks worth of work in a matter of hours. Weird. I've been evaluating what I really want to do and be in my daily life and it never changes. The things I want to do, I don't do and the things I don't want to do I keep doing. The list has been the same since I was 19. They're so simple, your list is probably the same as mine. But I never quit trying. Kathy H used to call me every Monday and say, "What's your new game plan?" Because every Monday I had some new gig that was going to revolutionize my life. a schedule, a diet, a new book. It's not that I don't still do that, I just don't tell everyone anymore so that when Friday comes and I've ditched it, I haven't failed anyone but myself.
While writing tidbits and snippets of my life here is something I really enjoy doing, it's just not a high priority like I had hoped it would be, so forgive me if I'm a here today gone tomorrow, I'll be back again. If I can't be what I want to be to myself, I want to at least be something to my family. Right now we have all this time together so when Dale's home, everything in my routine goes to the *sit on it* file. And it seems like he's around a lot.
The Fourth of July came and went, and somehow we survived being away from home on a major holiday; we didn't buy a single popper or sparkler and we still had a really fun day. But God does not let our goal of coming home get far from my mind. I'm loving life out here while it's mine and I'll have no regrets when it's over.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I had this great idea...
My reading is slow and it doesn't produce a lot of sharing opportunities. When I was working nights and had four hours to read at a time, usually more than that, I could really digest a lot of information quickly and formulate a nicely rounded opinion or theory from what I had read. Now reading one chapter a day, it's like the thinking happens in spurts after I've gathered enough information to make a collective thought throughout the week.
Everyday I sit in this room and type various items that may be of interest and I'm surrounded by books. Chuck, my personal carpenter at one time, built me these fantastic seven-foot shelves that require several burly young men to lift, and we've managed to fill every shelf including the very top that really isn't a shelf at all, with books of all genres and themes and generations. I really toil over whether my simplistic writing is of enough value to sacrifice the time when I could be reading. And indeed, I believe it is- maybe more for me than you- because it keeps me connected and leaves a trail of breadcrumbs that brings me back to square one when I've lost myself. But with that said, I've read a lot of these books and I want to share something from some of them so that those of you that do not read or have a difficult time finding time to read can take something out of these meager morsels and be inspired somehow.
So todays snippet of knowledge is a summary of Stormie Omartian's "Greater Health God's Way". This book I picked up from the Calvary Temple library back when they were purging the shelves and sending us home with boxes to sort and toss. I laughed when I saw it but then read it anyway. I think about it, six or seven years later, almost on a daily basis which is why I believe it may be of some value.
There are seven very simple steps that she expounds on one at a time and they are as follows:
1. Peaceful Living- Be honest about your life and live for real. Minimize stress, deal with your demons, and laugh and cry when you need it.
2. Pure Food- Start weeding out processed food and move toward the fruit (and vegetables) of the earth.
3. Proper Exercise- You know all about this one; move everyday.
4. Plenty of Water- You know all about this one too; 64 a day. (I've read recently that you don't have to drink all of that in water, but at least half of it water and minimize caffine.)
5. Prayer and Fasting- (and let me add Bible study) These are critical spiritual disciplines.
6. Fresh Air and Sunshine- There are countless physiological benefits of getting each of these on a daily basis. Ever met someone battling depression? Ask them how much fresh air and sunshine they get in a normal day. Seriously- it's good medicine.
7. Perfect Rest- Establish good sleep habits.
It's simple, but profound. I am constantly checking the list. I think it's amazing how all of the steps really work together. When my life is disfunctional, I can almost immediately pinpoint why because one of the steps is missing.
Let me say that time with family and other believers is a vital part of good health too, but when everything else is lined up in your personal life, those things seem to naturally fall into place. Happy Fourth of July and shoot something off for me!!! (We can't risk another Lake Tahoe here in Lompoc!)
Everyday I sit in this room and type various items that may be of interest and I'm surrounded by books. Chuck, my personal carpenter at one time, built me these fantastic seven-foot shelves that require several burly young men to lift, and we've managed to fill every shelf including the very top that really isn't a shelf at all, with books of all genres and themes and generations. I really toil over whether my simplistic writing is of enough value to sacrifice the time when I could be reading. And indeed, I believe it is- maybe more for me than you- because it keeps me connected and leaves a trail of breadcrumbs that brings me back to square one when I've lost myself. But with that said, I've read a lot of these books and I want to share something from some of them so that those of you that do not read or have a difficult time finding time to read can take something out of these meager morsels and be inspired somehow.
So todays snippet of knowledge is a summary of Stormie Omartian's "Greater Health God's Way". This book I picked up from the Calvary Temple library back when they were purging the shelves and sending us home with boxes to sort and toss. I laughed when I saw it but then read it anyway. I think about it, six or seven years later, almost on a daily basis which is why I believe it may be of some value.
There are seven very simple steps that she expounds on one at a time and they are as follows:
1. Peaceful Living- Be honest about your life and live for real. Minimize stress, deal with your demons, and laugh and cry when you need it.
2. Pure Food- Start weeding out processed food and move toward the fruit (and vegetables) of the earth.
3. Proper Exercise- You know all about this one; move everyday.
4. Plenty of Water- You know all about this one too; 64 a day. (I've read recently that you don't have to drink all of that in water, but at least half of it water and minimize caffine.)
5. Prayer and Fasting- (and let me add Bible study) These are critical spiritual disciplines.
6. Fresh Air and Sunshine- There are countless physiological benefits of getting each of these on a daily basis. Ever met someone battling depression? Ask them how much fresh air and sunshine they get in a normal day. Seriously- it's good medicine.
7. Perfect Rest- Establish good sleep habits.
It's simple, but profound. I am constantly checking the list. I think it's amazing how all of the steps really work together. When my life is disfunctional, I can almost immediately pinpoint why because one of the steps is missing.
Let me say that time with family and other believers is a vital part of good health too, but when everything else is lined up in your personal life, those things seem to naturally fall into place. Happy Fourth of July and shoot something off for me!!! (We can't risk another Lake Tahoe here in Lompoc!)
Monday, July 02, 2007
Ahhh...
Thank you, my friends, for being so honest. Sometimes I live under the heavy blanket of guilt over all the things I should be doing and am not doing... the person I should be by now and still am not. It's difficult. But a longtime friend revealed this crucial err in my thinking and reminded me that in Christ we are no longer condemned to live life like that. It was a perspective that had somehow escaped me for a long time, that has now given me a little freedom.
Knowing your thoughts and struggles are so similar to mine gives me some relief, like I can keep going because we're all in the same boat.
Knowing your thoughts and struggles are so similar to mine gives me some relief, like I can keep going because we're all in the same boat.
These were taken in Solvang, the Dutch community that I raved about early on in our adventure. It's about twenty miles from here; along that road is an ostrich farm which you can see from the road. We stopped to get a closer look and in order to go to the viewing area, you have a pay per person. We laughed about that, at how we could stand at the pay counter and watch then for free! The lady seemed a little strange, maybe overly protective of her business. She was selling strawberries too, which we gladly purchased before sneeking a closer peek at her *exhibit*. 
So my children have long lists of things they need to buy in order to camp out in our backyard; things like lanterns, sleeping bags, canteens, you know, the important things. And they don't have a lot of money at their disposal, so they've been asking for ways to make money.
I have decided that hard work should be rewarded monotarily, but not chores. They are necessary for daily living and they should learn that responsibility is not always compensated in obvious ways. However, education is and so Dale and I both like to put challenges out there with dollar signs attached. For example, I offered the kids $5 to learn all the planets, $5 for all the continents, and then $5 for all the states and $5 for all the presidents. If they get all four, a total of $25. So far I've only paid out $15.
So anyway, today Jasmine asked if she could copy "The Princess Treasuries" long hand and get some money. I laughed, but then said, "If you copy the whole thing and can read it to me as you go, I'll give you $100." Now, you think that's steep, but it's 566 pages long, it takes about 30 minutes to READ the stories, so I figure it's about a years worth of writing, but if she finishes, she'll have perfect penmanship and a high school reading capacity. Besides, I can pay her off in recycling money at the end of the year.
Then Kennedy's ears start to perk up, "Mom, can I do it? Can I do it? I'll do it for $50!" I didn't see any value in the Princess Treasuries for Kennedy but we have a great kids' dictionary that has over 8oo pages of definitions in it, right? So I gave her the option to do 5 per page for $100. It's a great deal for spelling and learning word definitions! She is going to spend the rest of her free time, she says, working on this job. It's just like a job! she says. I am laughing and saying, "You know it's going to take a long time, right? It will be hard work." And they are already chattering excitedly about how rich they're going to be! It's so cool. I really hope they finish it. Kennedy will no matter if it takes her till next summer, but I wonder if Jasmine will still be working at in by the end of the week. She's not as determined as her sister; she'd rather be doing other, more fun things like *getting crunk*.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
So...
Let me ask you a question, and I really want a response because, honestly, I don't have anyone to talk to right now. There is something about the phone that inhibits conversation with everyone I talk to. It's so strange that distance automatically changes things. And so when I think about things I don't have anyone to bounce them off of. I miss my sister and I miss my friends. I'm not necessarily lonely, it's not something that I fret over most of the time, but when I'm sitting in church and these thoughts tumble through my mind, I want to hash them out with someone over a grilled cheese sandwich in my kitchen after the kids have gone out to play. I really just want to be apart of something and have someone that I can be myself with. I know it takes time, it just makes me miss home.
WOOHOO!!! On a sidenote, I have just successfully loaded the FIRST EVER blog photo of our family since we moved to California! And here it is! We drove out to Pismo beach *all the clams you can eat* and were not wildly impressed, although you can park right up on the waterfront and just go straight into the ocean. That was cool, because we don't have good beach chairs yet and I was freezing, so I sat in the back end of the truck, snuggled up in beach towels, and watched the kids play in the sand and chase waves. 
Up the road a littleways, we happened upon a little looky-loo where we saw probably fifteen sea lions lying on rocks, taking in the sun. It was just spectacular: the view, the wildlife, the pelicans. 
Then we went on to Avila Beach where there was a really lovely beach, parts of it less trafficked, and a long pier lined with fishermen and fish markets. We stopped at a little taco stand for a fish taco and one of the cooks came out, lifted my camera from the cupholder in our stroller, and snapped this picture for us. It was very cool. Just three tables away, a mother and her three boys were banging away with mallots and picking out pieces of crab on a table covered in newpaper. It was all very California-esque. 
From the pier we saw this sea lion gliding along on his back, eating a live crab. We also saw starfish stuck to the posts of the pier beneath the water, buried by seaweed. When the water moved the seaweed away, we happened to pass a man pointing them out to his wife. There was an orange one, a lavendar one, and a yellow one; they must have been twice the size of Dale's hand.
I spent a good twenty minutes trying capture the essence of a pelican to no avail. Kennedy insisted on having a shot at it to which I conceded. I wanted to catch them right over our heads, they are not shy of people. And they're giant, regal birds, swooping, and diving, and flying in formation from one location to the next. She managed to catch this guy right before a dive. It's a ways off, but you can see how powerful they are by the wingspan and the length of their beaks. I never paid them any mind until I saw one in real life, and now everytime we go to water, I can't take my eyes off of them. They are amazing creatures, just amazing.
These little buzzards, however, are greedy scavengers, worthy of no respect no matter how proud or docile he looks standing on the post.
Which brings me back to the question I want to ask. What do you think about? I mean, day in and day out , what occupies your thoughts? This morning in church the pastor talked about emptying yourself out so that God can fill you. Simple, right? And so I really probe my heart on this, who can I serve. I could offer to help with the music, I can go to the ladies' coffee and be a listening ear and laugh and connect with other women, I can help with the kids' program coming up next month, there are lots of opportunities to serve. But I am certain it was the Holy Spirit that brought my children to mind, the way I hold them off all day while I accomplish my list of things to do, which inadvertently benefit them, but generally I am busy, too busy to play or "watch this" all day until Dale comes home, then I clean up after dinner and we all go to the park across the street. They have my partial attention for a little while after the day is done, and then I'm tired and if they don't go right to sleep after I tuck them in, I become irrational and harsh because that's when I clock out. Haha. I clock out from my day job at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. Haha. My head is not right.
I'll think about it all week: it would be easier to pour myself out to total strangers, then to really truly serve my family. But what are we admonited to do from the Bible??? Seriously, to love our husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, kind, and subject to our husbands. It's right there in Titus if you need a reference. So how is my thinking so off that I put those obligations last? Oh, I am taking care of the necessities: cleaning, cooking, tending to drinks and diapers, but I've lost track of what really matters- and honestly, I am rarely kind. Believe it. I smile a lot, but it's like a default expression for me. I have so far to go in my faith; these simple things that are fundamental Christian values aren't even in my thinking.
WOOHOO!!! On a sidenote, I have just successfully loaded the FIRST EVER blog photo of our family since we moved to California! And here it is! We drove out to Pismo beach *all the clams you can eat* and were not wildly impressed, although you can park right up on the waterfront and just go straight into the ocean. That was cool, because we don't have good beach chairs yet and I was freezing, so I sat in the back end of the truck, snuggled up in beach towels, and watched the kids play in the sand and chase waves. 
Up the road a littleways, we happened upon a little looky-loo where we saw probably fifteen sea lions lying on rocks, taking in the sun. It was just spectacular: the view, the wildlife, the pelicans. 
Then we went on to Avila Beach where there was a really lovely beach, parts of it less trafficked, and a long pier lined with fishermen and fish markets. We stopped at a little taco stand for a fish taco and one of the cooks came out, lifted my camera from the cupholder in our stroller, and snapped this picture for us. It was very cool. Just three tables away, a mother and her three boys were banging away with mallots and picking out pieces of crab on a table covered in newpaper. It was all very California-esque. 
From the pier we saw this sea lion gliding along on his back, eating a live crab. We also saw starfish stuck to the posts of the pier beneath the water, buried by seaweed. When the water moved the seaweed away, we happened to pass a man pointing them out to his wife. There was an orange one, a lavendar one, and a yellow one; they must have been twice the size of Dale's hand.
I spent a good twenty minutes trying capture the essence of a pelican to no avail. Kennedy insisted on having a shot at it to which I conceded. I wanted to catch them right over our heads, they are not shy of people. And they're giant, regal birds, swooping, and diving, and flying in formation from one location to the next. She managed to catch this guy right before a dive. It's a ways off, but you can see how powerful they are by the wingspan and the length of their beaks. I never paid them any mind until I saw one in real life, and now everytime we go to water, I can't take my eyes off of them. They are amazing creatures, just amazing.These little buzzards, however, are greedy scavengers, worthy of no respect no matter how proud or docile he looks standing on the post.
Which brings me back to the question I want to ask. What do you think about? I mean, day in and day out , what occupies your thoughts? This morning in church the pastor talked about emptying yourself out so that God can fill you. Simple, right? And so I really probe my heart on this, who can I serve. I could offer to help with the music, I can go to the ladies' coffee and be a listening ear and laugh and connect with other women, I can help with the kids' program coming up next month, there are lots of opportunities to serve. But I am certain it was the Holy Spirit that brought my children to mind, the way I hold them off all day while I accomplish my list of things to do, which inadvertently benefit them, but generally I am busy, too busy to play or "watch this" all day until Dale comes home, then I clean up after dinner and we all go to the park across the street. They have my partial attention for a little while after the day is done, and then I'm tired and if they don't go right to sleep after I tuck them in, I become irrational and harsh because that's when I clock out. Haha. I clock out from my day job at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. Haha. My head is not right.
I'll think about it all week: it would be easier to pour myself out to total strangers, then to really truly serve my family. But what are we admonited to do from the Bible??? Seriously, to love our husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, kind, and subject to our husbands. It's right there in Titus if you need a reference. So how is my thinking so off that I put those obligations last? Oh, I am taking care of the necessities: cleaning, cooking, tending to drinks and diapers, but I've lost track of what really matters- and honestly, I am rarely kind. Believe it. I smile a lot, but it's like a default expression for me. I have so far to go in my faith; these simple things that are fundamental Christian values aren't even in my thinking.
Anyway, I really want to know. What do you think about?
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Infidel
I'm reading this book about a woman born Muslim and her journey from that life to freedom...
*sort of: There is no true freedom except in Christ and she has not found Him, to my knowledge.*
Her story is brutal. I cannot imagine living for a second the life that was born into. Here I am in America, safe with my children and husband, in a good job, a safe place to live, walking through Wal-Mart. For the first time in my life I look at the walls and walls of toys at our disposal. We could've purchased anything we wanted yesterday. Anything. And I tried to imagine coming from a hut, essentially, where women are property, and children are legally beaten at home and at school and rarely shown affection. There is war and famine and descrimination and violence in the streets. The government is hostile toward the people and they live in fear. Now back to Wal-Mart, where children are bawling because they can't have a green ball because in the rack of balls to the ceiling, the green ones are all gone.
I feel a little guilty. I've tried not to indulge in $4 coffees. And I decided that I'd rather spend 20 minutes tending to my feet at home than $25 in a salon. And instead of going to a department store after bedding that matches the curtains, I'll shop the thrift stores for vintage fabric and tailor something pretty to cover our bed. But I still feel a little guilty about the way I live in America.
It's not even about the money; it's more about the way that I think and evade people sufferings. We love to watch documentaries and a lot of times we'll watch shows about prison life, crime investigations, and the like. The things I can't stomach, I also can't look away from; things like human trafficking and other crimes toward children. I lay in bed and cry for the suffering of others and ache because there's nothing I can do but pray. And if I can't fix it, I'd rather not know. It's so incredibly selfish.
Knowing our lives will not be in vain as we live in blind obedience, not knowing the next destination, gives me some peace. God has planted dreams in our hearts that I am certain He will fulfill: tending to orphans and widows. And if I don't know their sufferings, if I've never read about them or cried myself to sleep on their behalf, how can I ever hug them tight enough when they come into my life? How can I emphathize at all if I have never prayed for God to lift the agony of their burden that I can somehow feel? Make me a vessel of the love of Christ to everyone around me, God. It's all I've got.
*sort of: There is no true freedom except in Christ and she has not found Him, to my knowledge.*
Her story is brutal. I cannot imagine living for a second the life that was born into. Here I am in America, safe with my children and husband, in a good job, a safe place to live, walking through Wal-Mart. For the first time in my life I look at the walls and walls of toys at our disposal. We could've purchased anything we wanted yesterday. Anything. And I tried to imagine coming from a hut, essentially, where women are property, and children are legally beaten at home and at school and rarely shown affection. There is war and famine and descrimination and violence in the streets. The government is hostile toward the people and they live in fear. Now back to Wal-Mart, where children are bawling because they can't have a green ball because in the rack of balls to the ceiling, the green ones are all gone.
I feel a little guilty. I've tried not to indulge in $4 coffees. And I decided that I'd rather spend 20 minutes tending to my feet at home than $25 in a salon. And instead of going to a department store after bedding that matches the curtains, I'll shop the thrift stores for vintage fabric and tailor something pretty to cover our bed. But I still feel a little guilty about the way I live in America.
It's not even about the money; it's more about the way that I think and evade people sufferings. We love to watch documentaries and a lot of times we'll watch shows about prison life, crime investigations, and the like. The things I can't stomach, I also can't look away from; things like human trafficking and other crimes toward children. I lay in bed and cry for the suffering of others and ache because there's nothing I can do but pray. And if I can't fix it, I'd rather not know. It's so incredibly selfish.
Knowing our lives will not be in vain as we live in blind obedience, not knowing the next destination, gives me some peace. God has planted dreams in our hearts that I am certain He will fulfill: tending to orphans and widows. And if I don't know their sufferings, if I've never read about them or cried myself to sleep on their behalf, how can I ever hug them tight enough when they come into my life? How can I emphathize at all if I have never prayed for God to lift the agony of their burden that I can somehow feel? Make me a vessel of the love of Christ to everyone around me, God. It's all I've got.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Thinking again
One of the coolest things we do at this church is pray together; we break off into groups of 4-6 after worship and pray for each other. You are sitting in a random spot in a crowd of people you don't know, and then BOOM, you're holding hands with complete strangers who are asking how they can intercede for you. And you know what that breeds? Intimacy in the family. I love it.
This morning the couple we prayed with two weeks ago, sat behind us when they came in and we prayed with them again, this time introducing ourselves. Right from the start this guy is sharing his struggle with us. In his eyes I could see the desperation for answers that only God holds. And I can guarantee that God will bring him to my mind every day this week to pray for him and his wife. And here's another cool thing. For three weeks we've gone and all three weeks, the men are the first to speak and the first to pray. By the time it's my turn, the worship leader is already singing again and it's time to sit down. This is an amazing phenomenon. It's something I've never witnessed before.
The pastor is does not preach deep spiritual truths, but he preaches the Word and he leads by example, and these people follow because they love him and they trust him. It's so cool. Because most of the people are in the military, every week they have lost a family since we've been there. He brings them up, says something personal about them and to them and then prays for them. Then they take a turn to talk and they are all so grateful to have been apart of the church. It makes you want to be part of this family.
There are a few elements in this life that really count. It's not your job, because I know from experience, that it's not what you do, it's who you're with. And it's not how much money you have because for most of our lives we've been really po', and for a few months in our lives, we thought we were rich, *hello, tax return* and it really didn't feel any different because we always fretted over it and we still fought about it. And it's not where you are *unless you're in California where the sun heals like laughter and the ocean soothes like good medicine* because if you're alone, you'll still be lonely no matter where you go. It's Jesus, who never leaves, and family, whom you can never get escape because you share blood, and the church, the real church of Jesus Christ where you have home and family in this foreign land.
Yesterday we walked downtown through the Flower Festival, which is a huge ordeal packed with people and music and food and booths. As we were walking through a little area where there were no booths set up, there was a group of people standing together behind a man who was preaching the gospel right there on the sidewalk. After he stopped, the group started to sing about the blood of Jesus, and I cried. I wanted to go stand with them and embrace them like family I had never been introduced to. The kids were so excited when I told them what they were doing that they cheered. It was pretty moving. It made me think of Ezekiel lying on the ground shouting prophecy to the people, who were headed for devastation. I always imagine the people, like they were yesterday, just walking by pretending not to see or hear what was being said. It got into my head and really made me think about this times and the urgency that I should possess regarding lost souls. I've become so lax in my thinking, so self-consumed, that I've barely thought about rescuing the perishing. I can only pray that God will change my thinking, and therein, change my ways.
This morning the couple we prayed with two weeks ago, sat behind us when they came in and we prayed with them again, this time introducing ourselves. Right from the start this guy is sharing his struggle with us. In his eyes I could see the desperation for answers that only God holds. And I can guarantee that God will bring him to my mind every day this week to pray for him and his wife. And here's another cool thing. For three weeks we've gone and all three weeks, the men are the first to speak and the first to pray. By the time it's my turn, the worship leader is already singing again and it's time to sit down. This is an amazing phenomenon. It's something I've never witnessed before.
The pastor is does not preach deep spiritual truths, but he preaches the Word and he leads by example, and these people follow because they love him and they trust him. It's so cool. Because most of the people are in the military, every week they have lost a family since we've been there. He brings them up, says something personal about them and to them and then prays for them. Then they take a turn to talk and they are all so grateful to have been apart of the church. It makes you want to be part of this family.
There are a few elements in this life that really count. It's not your job, because I know from experience, that it's not what you do, it's who you're with. And it's not how much money you have because for most of our lives we've been really po', and for a few months in our lives, we thought we were rich, *hello, tax return* and it really didn't feel any different because we always fretted over it and we still fought about it. And it's not where you are *unless you're in California where the sun heals like laughter and the ocean soothes like good medicine* because if you're alone, you'll still be lonely no matter where you go. It's Jesus, who never leaves, and family, whom you can never get escape because you share blood, and the church, the real church of Jesus Christ where you have home and family in this foreign land.
Yesterday we walked downtown through the Flower Festival, which is a huge ordeal packed with people and music and food and booths. As we were walking through a little area where there were no booths set up, there was a group of people standing together behind a man who was preaching the gospel right there on the sidewalk. After he stopped, the group started to sing about the blood of Jesus, and I cried. I wanted to go stand with them and embrace them like family I had never been introduced to. The kids were so excited when I told them what they were doing that they cheered. It was pretty moving. It made me think of Ezekiel lying on the ground shouting prophecy to the people, who were headed for devastation. I always imagine the people, like they were yesterday, just walking by pretending not to see or hear what was being said. It got into my head and really made me think about this times and the urgency that I should possess regarding lost souls. I've become so lax in my thinking, so self-consumed, that I've barely thought about rescuing the perishing. I can only pray that God will change my thinking, and therein, change my ways.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Excuse me, did you say dial-up?
Yes, yes ma'am I did. People still use it and charge for it too!!! We are in a remote area that is not serviced by DLS providers except for Comcast; and they charge $60 a month for DSL. So forgive my absence from posting.
We are ALIVE AND WELL in California! I feel *almost* at ease about life again. We had a nice hearty crowd of brawny fellows and a few ladies come to help us move out of the storage unit and into our new house and it was all done in two hours, ladies and gentlemen, that's right. Two measly hours.
The Assembly of God church here has proven to be not only kind and helpful, but also generous and warm. They moved us in, set up our beds, brought dinner for the whole crew, and befriended us immediately. I feel embraced. Don't get me wrong, I was cynical and a critical of the pastor from the get-go, but the more I get to know him, the more comfortable I am in our new church. He is sincere; the congregation is friendly and accomodating.
We are moved in, the kids are settling and meeting other kids in the neighborhood... life is good. Thank you for your prayers. I couldn't have done it without them.
We are ALIVE AND WELL in California! I feel *almost* at ease about life again. We had a nice hearty crowd of brawny fellows and a few ladies come to help us move out of the storage unit and into our new house and it was all done in two hours, ladies and gentlemen, that's right. Two measly hours.
The Assembly of God church here has proven to be not only kind and helpful, but also generous and warm. They moved us in, set up our beds, brought dinner for the whole crew, and befriended us immediately. I feel embraced. Don't get me wrong, I was cynical and a critical of the pastor from the get-go, but the more I get to know him, the more comfortable I am in our new church. He is sincere; the congregation is friendly and accomodating.
We are moved in, the kids are settling and meeting other kids in the neighborhood... life is good. Thank you for your prayers. I couldn't have done it without them.
Monday, June 11, 2007
A new day!- no, wait, another day.
So we got Dale off to his first day of work before seven this morning and then stalled for a couple of hours, hoping he'd call and say, "The door's open, the house is ours!" I waited as long as I could and then started loading the car, now with an extra box and stroller from storage and double the grocery supply, but less one person. It took three trips, but I got it all in thinking we'd go straight to the house from the hotel. Dale's car was in the parking lot on my last trip down to load the kids in the car and check out.
He greeted me with, "I don't know when we can move in; just pray." I proceeded to check out of the hotel and drive around town with various errands to eat up time. Dale called me and said we would not be able to move in today so I needed to call everyone and let them know it'd probably be tomorrow. I started to let it take me down, but fought for my bearings and managed to maintain some control.
So for the third time, I moved us back into our room just as Dale was arriving back home. We ventured out to another state lake and found yet another perspective of paradise; it's just breathtaking. This one was less "beachy" but there was a huge pier where people were fishing. We walked out about halfway and looked out over the water; you could see for miles. I could watch the ocean for hours... I can't get enough of it.
The kids are showing signs of instability but holding on and still smiling. Scooter, on the other hand, is a little more off everyday. Today he threw up on our luggage while I was loading up, and then again as soon as we moved back into the room. Poor dog. He won't pee in the dirt or the sand unless he's desperate and we have time to wait for him to finds the perfect place. I have grunted and fussed about it for three days and Dale gave me clarity yesterday when he said, "He needs grass." Today I found a patch of green grass that he found suitable to do his business on, here on the premises. Maybe that'll help.
Dale was sworn in today and got his official Bureau of Prisons ID card; that was pretty exciting. He can see the beam of light at the end of this endless tunnel, and when he can see it, we all know it's there.
Even with all the insanity, I can't imagine being anywhere else now that I'm here. God always knows and I'm learning to just follow.
He greeted me with, "I don't know when we can move in; just pray." I proceeded to check out of the hotel and drive around town with various errands to eat up time. Dale called me and said we would not be able to move in today so I needed to call everyone and let them know it'd probably be tomorrow. I started to let it take me down, but fought for my bearings and managed to maintain some control.
So for the third time, I moved us back into our room just as Dale was arriving back home. We ventured out to another state lake and found yet another perspective of paradise; it's just breathtaking. This one was less "beachy" but there was a huge pier where people were fishing. We walked out about halfway and looked out over the water; you could see for miles. I could watch the ocean for hours... I can't get enough of it.
The kids are showing signs of instability but holding on and still smiling. Scooter, on the other hand, is a little more off everyday. Today he threw up on our luggage while I was loading up, and then again as soon as we moved back into the room. Poor dog. He won't pee in the dirt or the sand unless he's desperate and we have time to wait for him to finds the perfect place. I have grunted and fussed about it for three days and Dale gave me clarity yesterday when he said, "He needs grass." Today I found a patch of green grass that he found suitable to do his business on, here on the premises. Maybe that'll help.
Dale was sworn in today and got his official Bureau of Prisons ID card; that was pretty exciting. He can see the beam of light at the end of this endless tunnel, and when he can see it, we all know it's there.
Even with all the insanity, I can't imagine being anywhere else now that I'm here. God always knows and I'm learning to just follow.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I'm sure you're dying to know!
Church was better than I expected it to be; as consistently promised, the people were surprisingly friendly. The congregation is predominantly made up of air force guys and their families, 30s and 4os, so lots of kids and lots of energy. The kids loved their classes and Leila, who has yet to be trained to sit still in church, went without a fuss to the nursery.
I felt like a train wreck. We had a rough start so it was hard to go in and be approachable. The worship was good- a meek worship leader that loves to worship and obviously doesn't care about appearances. During the course of the service, I heard two other singers with amazing voices, who helped sing on the worship team but didn't take center stage.
All in all, I was pleased and look forward to going back. They don't have Sunday school so I won't be teaching any time soon, but they have a lot of activities for the kids as well as women's stuff, men's stuff, and home groups. I will have to muster up some courage to plug in because I may have to go without Dale, but such is life as a chaplain's wife.
I felt like a train wreck. We had a rough start so it was hard to go in and be approachable. The worship was good- a meek worship leader that loves to worship and obviously doesn't care about appearances. During the course of the service, I heard two other singers with amazing voices, who helped sing on the worship team but didn't take center stage.
All in all, I was pleased and look forward to going back. They don't have Sunday school so I won't be teaching any time soon, but they have a lot of activities for the kids as well as women's stuff, men's stuff, and home groups. I will have to muster up some courage to plug in because I may have to go without Dale, but such is life as a chaplain's wife.
Getting closer
To a breakdown, and the end of this jog in the path. I have never had a nervous breakdown in a clincal sense, but I have felt them coming at several crossroads in my path. I don't think I need lockdown, but a padded room with no noise and no people sounds pretty good right now.
Two nights ago we were on an outing to investigate the new *to us* grocery store, VONS, and Tre got away from us. I heard my name over the loudspeaker and that my son was waiting for me, but couldn't figure out what they said. He was standing at Starbucks screaming my name when a lovely barista settled him down enough to help him find me. We were upset because this isn't home yet and it seems a long way from home so we've not taken any chances with the kids getting out of our sights. So you can imagine Dale's frustration when he told Tre to stay put, turned his back for a second and he took off. He had a good laugh about it until he saw the smoke rolling out of Dale's ears. We stopped at a park down to road to spank him, which I took into my own hands due to my lack of smoke. It was intense, but we handled it.
Scooter stays with us almost all the time too, because the housekeeping staff cleans when we're out and he's a little skiddish, like the rest of us. I'd rather him stay in the car than to have to get him from the pound. But it's wearing on him too.
We went on to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down, Leila dumped my drink clean across the table. Lunch was good, LOVING the west coast clam chowder! but when we got back to the car, Scooter had taken the liberty to poop on every seat. He pooped on every single seat in the car. HAhahaha. I could hardly hold the gut-busting roars from my mouth, but the smoke was rolling again and I couldn't risk to let out a peep while Dale picked it all up and scrubbed each seat with a Windex wipe.
On our way back we stopped at the storage unit to get the letter of employment out of our document box. I was sure it was in there. And guess what? Yep. Nowhere. I climbed over the washer and table to chisel a path through the boxes praying that the letter would somehow materialize out of nowhere, which it sort of did.
Now we're back at the hotel, Leila took a 12 minute nap in the car so naturally while she's in her pack and play for an hour she doesn't ever fall asleep. Instead she poops her pants and smears it all over her legs and arms. Isn't that fun?
I'm losing it. Just going out of my mind. Two nights ago after the kids went to bed, Dale and I are watching TV; he's reading a book and I'm working a sudoku puzzle and I hear in the background a commercial for Colace, a constipation remedy that I am familiar with because of the nursing home, which is where my mind drifted to. I hear myself talking without thinking. I didn't mean to say anything at all, but I tried to cover by saying, "I love you," and then started laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. Then I had to shut it down because it wasn't coming to an end. I wasn't sad or feeling anything at all, it was just one of those weird things that tells me I can't do it all.
I know we'll make it through, it's just down to crunch time and I don't like it.
Two nights ago we were on an outing to investigate the new *to us* grocery store, VONS, and Tre got away from us. I heard my name over the loudspeaker and that my son was waiting for me, but couldn't figure out what they said. He was standing at Starbucks screaming my name when a lovely barista settled him down enough to help him find me. We were upset because this isn't home yet and it seems a long way from home so we've not taken any chances with the kids getting out of our sights. So you can imagine Dale's frustration when he told Tre to stay put, turned his back for a second and he took off. He had a good laugh about it until he saw the smoke rolling out of Dale's ears. We stopped at a park down to road to spank him, which I took into my own hands due to my lack of smoke. It was intense, but we handled it.
Scooter stays with us almost all the time too, because the housekeeping staff cleans when we're out and he's a little skiddish, like the rest of us. I'd rather him stay in the car than to have to get him from the pound. But it's wearing on him too.
We went on to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down, Leila dumped my drink clean across the table. Lunch was good, LOVING the west coast clam chowder! but when we got back to the car, Scooter had taken the liberty to poop on every seat. He pooped on every single seat in the car. HAhahaha. I could hardly hold the gut-busting roars from my mouth, but the smoke was rolling again and I couldn't risk to let out a peep while Dale picked it all up and scrubbed each seat with a Windex wipe.
On our way back we stopped at the storage unit to get the letter of employment out of our document box. I was sure it was in there. And guess what? Yep. Nowhere. I climbed over the washer and table to chisel a path through the boxes praying that the letter would somehow materialize out of nowhere, which it sort of did.
Now we're back at the hotel, Leila took a 12 minute nap in the car so naturally while she's in her pack and play for an hour she doesn't ever fall asleep. Instead she poops her pants and smears it all over her legs and arms. Isn't that fun?
I'm losing it. Just going out of my mind. Two nights ago after the kids went to bed, Dale and I are watching TV; he's reading a book and I'm working a sudoku puzzle and I hear in the background a commercial for Colace, a constipation remedy that I am familiar with because of the nursing home, which is where my mind drifted to. I hear myself talking without thinking. I didn't mean to say anything at all, but I tried to cover by saying, "I love you," and then started laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. Then I had to shut it down because it wasn't coming to an end. I wasn't sad or feeling anything at all, it was just one of those weird things that tells me I can't do it all.
I know we'll make it through, it's just down to crunch time and I don't like it.
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