Marley and Me

I can't fully understand why at the end of the day I have this amazing resolve to start my life new the next day, and why by morning it has all faded away with the night as if it was never there to begin with until the night comes again. Tonight I feel new with a snapshot of "real life" in fast forward, thank you very much, Hollywood. I don't know how Jennifer Aniston managed to pull off playing out basically everything I've ever felt about life and marriage and motherhood, when she's never walked in my shoes; but she did it. And I don't know how after years of loathing and distain, I love my dogs like they really are part of our family, but I do.

This life can be such a head spinner... just yesterday I was wishing I could just get to next month so that we could be closer to the end of the school year and I could start making plans for the summer. Now I'm crying over how fast they days have gone and how I'm missing precious moments with my little ones who are becoming little people right before my eyes. Leila is almost as old as Tre was when we moved here! I know it's me. I know it is! But I don't know how to correct the glitch. It's like God is trying desperately to alert me to these lessons over and over and over again and I just keep skating past while waving my own agenda at Him. I don't know if I'll ever learn, but I sure hope so.

I had really determined not to watch this movie; I didn't want to watch something sad about animals. I'm not an animal lover. I had a dog that I loved once, and I mean I would've gone to the grave for her, but once I had kids, I became a "kid person" and my affinity for dogs faded. I'm pretty sure I chronicled how I felt when Max came into our lives right here. If I didn't, let me just tell you that it wasn't pretty. The thing is, the depth of this movie goes so much deeper than the dog... it makes you step back and really evaluate what matters.

I am at a crossroads in my life. I have all these kids that I've been hearding for eleven years. Get them up, dressed, fed, educated, teach them manners, keep them safe, fed, cleaned up, teach the truth, Jesus, and enough sleep, day after day after day. There is a lot in between, but I started the assembly line method of existence shortly after I had Jasmine. Now I have these budding individuals that can't squeeze into my assembly line because they're not all the same shape. Deisha is sleeping through the night, and Kennedy is waking up with strange pox on her face. Tre is creating and building and leaving a trail everywhere he goes, and Micah is swinging from chatter, to bossy, then angry, then sad, then happy-go-lucky. Jasmine is the typical middle child needing approval and trying to fit in, and Leila spends more time in the bathroom primping than anyone else in the house. I am having to switch gears and really make an effort to focus on individual needs, on top of getting them up, checking outfits, feeding, education, correcting bad behaviors, teaching them how to be safe, feeding more, teaching them hygiene, the truth, Jesus, and convincing them to go to sleep instead of giggling into the wee hours of night. It's really overwhelming sometimes.

I've spend so many years saying, "No! Don't do that! Stop doing that! Not in this house!" I want to spend the next eleven years saying, "Yes! That's a great idea! I'm happy for you! We will do this again!" I know it's far fetched, but I feel pressed to turn over a new leaf. There's certainly something to be said for setting boundaries, but at some point you have to open up the doors and let them fly a little. There must be a way to let them go and still hold the line. God, give me the grace to be like You!

Doing What Suttons Do

Dale laughed when his dad pulled a lawn chair out of the car port and started to read a book, but it was no surprise to me when this place became our reprieve at the end of each day. It never occurred to us that this was exactly what we did back home, and maybe it's what we need to do more of here. Our neighbors are moderately reclusive so it's hard to not feel like we're sticking out like a sore thumb, but it didn't matter with Lonnie and Dana here. It just felt like home.

This is the Avila Barn's petting zoo. You can't really pet the animals because most of them are biters, and that only because they get fed from morning till night, day in and day out. What they know is that when little fingers come into the cage, little bits of garden scraps usually come with them. I do not enjoy visiting this part of the barn because most of the animals have abnormally distended bellies, which upsets me every time I see them. Then again, they have these sheep with this manly "baa" that just cracks me up; I love to hear them mbaa-mbaa-ing at us. It seriously sounds like a man's voice!

We didn't get a bag of scraps this time because I purposely avoided the pursuit, *note the above. Leila didn't mind though, because goats will eat hay, grass, leaves, pretty much anything that you stick in the cage. She had a ball rounding up random pieces of the yard to feed the little buggers.

Deisha was having so much fun right before this picture and then as soon as the camera snapped, I was the only one that seemed to really be enjoying myself watching the chickens.

She came around. Poor thing wet through all of her clothes and this was all I had to change her into. It was 85 degrees so I'm sure she appreciated something light anyway. I didn't dare wake her to change her diaper once she conked out; it seemed like it was days between naps. We did a lot of running around and it left her all out of sorts. She's resilient though- much more than her OCD mother.

Showtime!

We have regular shows around here- sometimes Karate, sometimes theater, this time dance. Tre obviously interpreted the show as a lip sync contest.
Jasmine, full of grace, floating through the air like a hummingbird...

...pausing only long enough to hear Leila scream, "STOP JUMPING!"

Kennedy came to show us all how it's done. She saved her money for weeks to buy this outfit, the leotard, the skirt...

...and the shoes.

Clearly, she is full of natural balletic ability.
This is the opening act- everyone doing their own performance on the trampoline at the same time.

Next is Jasmine along with her assistant performers...

...and then Leila put her best foot forward to show us how it's done.

... and then Tre did this for about 36 minutes.And for the grand finale, this girl did what she does best. Sorry you can't get the full effect of her performance. I'm going to have to fire the cameraman.

What had happened was...

...we took this job for a lot of reasons.

A: Dale went to school and racked up a serious amount of debt in order to become a chaplain for the Bureau of Prisons, so when they offered us a position, it would have been silly to turn it down. I mean if God inspired the vision and then came through with the open door... I think we would've gone to Puerto Rico if that was where the opening was.

B: We have all these kids that are like little birds with their mouths open to be fed all the time. Like, every hour then need nourishment, seriously! They're like little moths devouring groceries almost as soon as I come through the door with them. We needed to know that every month there would be enough money in the bank to feed the children.

C: We have all these kids that have this Daddy shaped hole in their hearts and when he can't spend time with them everyday, they get all out of whack. They need their dad to be present as much as possible. A couple of hours a week just wasn't cutting it.

D: I am hopelessly and desperately in love with the guy that pays the bills in my house, and when I don't have some good quality time with him every day, I tend to get a little discombobulated. I need him. I want him with me. Sometimes I don't want him to, but I need him to tell me that I'm being mean and crabby because when he tells me, with all that sweet, quiet tone, I really want to do better.

This job offered all of these things and even though it was 1754 miles from home, taking the job seemed to be the right thing to do.

It was. I still believe we did the right thing, but I know I speak for all of us in saying that enough if enough. Having family here all week was amazing until they left us behind to go home. I am homesick every single day. It troubles me to have to hush my little ones every morning because we live in a tiny duplex and "we might wake someone!!!" when they're so happy to be awake and alive. I love our neighborhood and the friends our kids have made, but I just... it breaks my heart that they have cousins they don't know because we haven't been home in two years. I find myself perusing facebook pages of people I know from the Midwest just to get a taste of home again. I feel like an stranger in a distant land after all this time. I'm a homebody and I don't feel at home; I haven't felt at home for much longer than we've been here. At this point, the point where looking at pictures of a bunch of strangers in a little hole in the wall establishment drinking beer in cowboy hats makes me cry, well you can imagine...

This is my plea to all of you; please, please, PLEASE plead our case before God. I know you will, my dearest friends, because you are the only ones left reading this, and you believe in the power of God to turn the tide when it would seem impossible. Here is what I want you to pray- keeping in mind that when He answers, He will be glorified:
1. Pray that all barriers that might inhibit our transfer would be removed right away.
2. Pray that the right place will have an opening for us and that we will find favor with those involved in the selection process.
3. Pray that our moving expenses will be completely paid for.
4. Pray that our ranch will be vacant and available to us in perfect time for our arrival.

If you don't pray from a list and won't remember, insert our request into your mealtime prayers, "Jesus, please bring the Suttons home." I used to pray for my friend's son when he was tiny and extremely picky about eating, picky enough to affect his health, and I remembered to pray for him every day for months.

Thank you for loving us enough to pray us home. You will share in the blessings when God pours out His favor and answers the cry of our hearts!!!

Another day at Avila

It's so fun to take the crab net out on the pier because you just never know what's going to come up in it. Usually we are able to catch a couple of little crabs and some starfish. Micah and Dale usually man the net.

Usually I man the kids while they're manning the net, but this time I sat in the car for most of the time they were out standing guard over a desperately sleepy baby girl. (Side Note: notice Leila's bracelet- those are so cool, Mom!)

This

is the salmon head that they used to bait the net.

Sadly, crabs and starfish prefer squid to salmon, and the net came up empty every time.

But we still had fun because how could we not? Mawmaw and Pawpaw were with us!

Spring Break 2009

For St. Patrick's Day, I insisted that we go to Solvang, even though Dale had been looking forward to having dinner at the famous Klondike pizza buffet in San Louis Obisipo for weeks, because I thought a little tourists trap would have lots of fun activities and maybe even a parade to commemorate the great Saint Patrick who brought Christianity to Ireland so many years ago... Apparently the Dutch don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Not in Solvang, anyway. But this nice old man insisted on taking this family picture for us. Good enough!
The braids Kennedy is wearing were actually Dana's, but she took wore the headband over the back of her head so she wouldn't mess up her hair; I didn't get a picture of that before she took them off because Deisha kept trying to eat the braids.

Deisha has a darling little pink and green outfit on, but it was still chilly in when we arrived, so you don't get to see it this time, but she also wore that tiny little barrette in her hair, just to be safe from overzealous pinchers. Note to mothers of baby girls- you can purchase those tiny clips at Target for a couple of dollars. They're so worth it!

Leila couldn't bear to part with this outfit, once chosen (you can't see the pink cowboy boots), even with the knowledge of St. Patrick's Day. So I drew a little shamrock tattoo on her right arm. It's still there three days later. It may be there this time next year, as a matter of fact, because I drew it with permanent marker. Oh bla de, oh bla da, life goes on, Oh, la la la la, life goes on.
Dana mentioned wanting to take some video footage home, but we don't have any DVDs here and the way things are going, I may forget to get them completely. (I can't believe this is already the last day with them!) I don't know how time can drag on so slowly sometimes, then zip by when you want to savor it the most! Anyway, my apologies for the fuzziness of the picture, but here's a little teaser, just in case this is all we manage to compile for you viewers in Richmond. I wish you could all have come!!! And not just the Richmondites, but all of you, my friends and family. I miss you more than you can possibly realize.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

She thinks she looks "so cute in dis picture!"
...green underwear...

A year late, but the sentiment is the same. Don't they sound rehearsed? They are naturally in unison... harharhar.

Rocker

Have you met my son Tre? Oh, well then, let me introduce you!

Did I mention he's a rock star?

He is.

Valentines Extravaganza

This is the new clubhouse. Well, it was new on Valentine's Day and then shortly after Valentine's Day it was disassembled by some neighborhood vandals and the club dispersed after a game of war gone wrong.

This is the view from inside the club. The members of the club collected various items on from people's yards on trash pickup day to adorn their new hangout. That woman standing there, the one that's as tall as that tree, is Kennedy. You might not have recognized her because she was a little kid yesterday and woke up today fully grown. The other little darling in the photo is Jasmine. She was a little kid yesterday and when she woke up this morning, much to her dismay, she was still a little kid.

This is the other angle from the inside. Each little piece has some significance. The trees create the walls all around the perimeter of the club. There's a perfect little clearing created by nature alone and destined to be filled with children.

This is the picnic table donated by the club's neighbor "Mr. Nicey-nice". We like him very much because without his contribution, the first annual club Valentine's picnic. Let me introduce you to the club members. Starting on the left in the green hoodie, that's Alfonso. Next to him with the mohawk is Trek. Micah is next in the green shirt. I am directly behind Micah wearing a green shirt; apparently he didn't hear me say, "Say cheese!". You can see my shirt behind him. I'm also holding Deisha who loves the sun more than anything else in this life. Kennedy is at the head of the table; she is the club secretary and quite a party planner if you ask me. There in the sunglasses and glam sunglasses is Miss Tiffany, Trek's mom. She was there because she was invited. For whatever reason, the joy of these kids' lives is having their mothers participate in their neighborhood antics. I wish someone would tell me that so that I would participate more before my kids start shooing me away from their neighborhood friends because apparently I am indifferent to what brings them joy. Trin is on the bench in front of Miss Tiff but you can't see her because Zach is standing up making last minute adjustments to the various treats on the table. Zach is the club president and he's awesome; he's awesome unless he's playing with James and then he's not very nice. Behind Zach is Jas, she's always awesome no matter who she's playing with. And then next there on the end are Tre and Leila, the darlings of the club. Tre is the energy and Leila is the sugar.

More pictures coming soon!

Avila Beach

Avila remains our single most favorite place to escape to. Somehow we managed to visit on the most beautiful day in February last week. This is Deisha's first experience in the sand. For as feisty as she generally is, she sat there mesmerized for a long time. The sand is remarkably fine so it's like standing on shifting silk. She couldn't quite figure it out. After she realized she wasn't going anywhere, she tried to pick some up and have taste of it. Needless to say she didn't like it too much. I would've loved to catch that on film, but I was frantically sweeping out her mouth and hands. It wasn't long before she was climbing up the rocks with the rest of the kids.

Kennedy brought along a Spongebob kite that she and Dale got up high and mighty in no time flat. After he set sail into the wild blue yonder, Kennedy lost interest but not Dale. He stayed and flew the Bikini Bottom hero long after she abandoned him.

We never swim.I don't know if you know this, but there are sharks in the ocean, and more specifically shark sightings right here on this beach. More from the fact that even at eighty degrees, the water is freezing. But this mini tide pool was quite a drawing card for my young'uns; it's right in front of Jasmine and Tre in the background. Because we had been sick off and on for so long, I insisted that no one get their feet wet. I'm telling you it was a severe test of sheer will for them to stay out of it. The water was so shallow and so far from the ocean, it didn't seem like the ocean. It didn't even seem like water, it was "like, just a puddle". Tre's mind always keeps me guessing; his reasoning is so different than mine.

Since there was no hope of splashing around, the attention gradually moved to the rocks up the beach.

The boys turned to an adventure as soon as their bare feet hit the warm smooth surface of the stone. I'm sure it was Zelda related, as most of their adventures are.

After the string to the kite balled itself into a knotty mess, I spent about forty-seven minutes untangling it- long enough to wear down Dale's enthusiasm of sailing the high skies and he joined us on the back forty. I'm never less taken with the beauty of the coast; every time we go it's like looking at it for the first time...

...but then again, so is this.