First Day of School!!!

I have to tell you, this is the first year, in all of my seven-ish years of homeschooling, that I have felt hopeful about the school year.  Don't get me wrong, I have been excited before, but that's not saying much. This year I have a different perspective, a new outlook.  I have a general sense of okayness. 

With that said, we had a relatively predictable first day of chaos and disorder.  The difference was that this year there was no yelling, no one cried, and I don't feel like eating a whole carton of butter brickle ice cream to settle my nerves.  I feel good. 

What changed, you may ask?  My fetters were loosed.  The expectation of educating five children at five grade levels blew my mind, and it fettered me, so I cut it off.  The idea that it was necessary to teach math, English, science, history, grammar, spelling, reading, and writing on a daily basis fettered me too, so I let that one go.  The fact that every fifteen seconds someone interrupts what I am saying to ask me a question fetters me.  Actually that one drives me over the cliff.  (It's a part of my vocation that I struggle with every day, all day long, and I have yet to embrace it.  I discourage it, really.  I may have been quoted recently in saying, "Please don't ask me unnecessary questions!!" after one of my children bombed me with ridiculous questions for fifteen minutes and then laughed and said it was just a joke.)  By planning fewer lessons and organizing the necessary lessons differently I have been able to curb the interruptions while I am working one-on-one.  The space helps too.  Instead of being dog piled into one area we are able to spread out.  It's a welcome change. 

Victoria Botkin really drew me into greener pastures with her "Curriculum Advice" lecture series. Her whole approach, after schooling seven children, is to relax.  Don't focus on grade levels, busy work, and achievement tests.  Spend time being creative and allowing for discovery. 

After graduating with a 4.0 and little recollection of the prior years' learning, I have come to realize that my deepest understanding came from a hunger to learn, and the quest following that hunger.  If I can trigger that in my children, they will sprout a love for learning that may prove to be lifelong.  If I am hostile and tyrannical in our daily lessons this dream will never become a reality.  It's not a race, it's a diligent investment, and with that in mind, I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can, but only by the grace of God. 

Blessings

We have been blessed to be welcomed into the church that we have been praying for, for years and years.  It seemed like a simple request, but the rarity of our fellowship is such that it took over a decade, and travelling back and forth across the country to find it.  I can't say that I am surprised, I honestly didn't think it would ever happen, but it was well worth the wait.  I don't think I could've possible appreciated it way back then when I was wishing for it, as much as I do now. 

What I love about it is... for one thing it's small; eight families.  Worship is intimate, reverent, and the focus is never on a person or a performance, but it is always Jesus.  The Bible teaching is core, systematic, and sound doctrinally.  There is an opportunity for everyone to share every week, either prayer needs, or exciting answers to prayer, or things to sharpen one another.  The kids sit through every service, gleaning what they can from the depth of the teaching, and after each meeting, we have a meal together.  There is a real opportunity to bear each others' burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ because we know each other, and we continue to learn about each other every week.  We share our heavy burdens and they are lightened.  There is wisdom in many different areas from each walk of life, and there is a very real love for the brethren.

I can't even describe to you what a blessing it has been to be part of this body.  I guess the biggest thing is that I feel safe; safe to share, safe to invest, safe about my future there. There are people in our fellowship that are enduring immeasurably difficult trials, but they are victorious because in Christ they have not had to walk through the darkness alone.  While there is heaviness at times, there are people around them consistently to hold their hands and encourage them to keep going.  It gives me the confidence to accept anything that may come our way with grace and courage in Christ, knowing that He will sustain me, and that the body of Christ will without a doubt come to my aid in my time of need. 

Praise be to God, the Giver of every good and perfect gift!

And then there were seven

Let me start by saying WE'RE PREGNANT!  Haha!!!  Another Sutton will be making its way into the world in nine-ish months. 

Were we surprised?  Relatively.  I guess as much as you were, maybe a little less. 

Did we plan to have another baby?  Moreso than any other child, surprisingly. 

Are we going to keep having babies until we're unable to have anymore?  It's difficult to say.  My life is not my own.

We've talked about letting go of the controls in this area of our lives and frankly, its what we should have done from the beginning.  This is a walk of faith.  If we really believe that children are a blessing, a gift, a reward... well that's all I'm saying.  How real is this faith?  There are a million practical reasons not to have more children.  I thought of them all before anyone brought them to my attention.  But I believe the Bible is the standard, the manual, the actual Word of God.  It is the very rock that I want to be established on.  And it says to have children, that children are a gift from the Lord, they they are a heritage, they are like arrows in the hands of a warrior.  How can I not accept this blessing?  And besides, where does it say, "Be practical about chosing when and how many children to have."  It's God who does the chosing.

I don't know why He chose us to impart this abundance to.  It's humbling, especially in moments of weakness when I am at the end of my well of virtues and find myself screaming at some poor child in my home who is certainly undeserving of such a response. 

Pregnancy turns my internal thermostat to "moderately hostile" from morning to night.  As hard as I fight it, there is nothing good in me and the ugly continues to roar in the face of my family members.  So rather than blow every five minutes, please pray for me to be quiet.  Even if rage burns, I want to keep it locked behind my lips.  It's a new resolve. 

So there you have it.  Celebrate with us.  New life is coming!

The beat goes on

When we first moved in, I was on a roll.  I was getting up early to pray and read the Word, the house was clean, the laundry was caught up, I had it all together, except for the cooking part.  That is still a work in progress.  But lately, ugh.  I'm tired.  I'm lazy.  I'm in a slump.  I just want to sit around.  It's really a blessing that we don't have cable because this is the time when I would willingly subject myself to hours of the cooking channel with reckless abandon. 

Fortunately for my family, we don't have cable.  Instead I find myself staring at the wall.  I am starting to lose ground with the house, but I am at least trying to plan my meals ahead a day at a time.  Tonight, fortunately, we have the church pot luck and I can get by with a broccoli salad, a pan of baked beans, and a loaf of bread.  Someone will inevidibly bring hot dogs for the kids and there will be a nice colorful salad, if nothing else, for the grown ups.

I'm just tired.  And now my house is filled with noise again and I am starting to lose my mind when there are more than three people screaming at the same time.  Sometimes it's all I can do to manage this cup and little spoon.

Such is life.

Hi!

Oh, yeah!!!  Suprise, surprise!!!  I AM BACK!  Today I want to write about blogs.  There are so many of them.  I mean, anything I want to learn about from real people, there are literally enough blogs about that thing that I can catalogue a whole list of them- just ones I really love!  Seriously- in my favorites I have homeschooling, cooking, couponing, design inspiration, current events.... it could go on and on.  Depending on my mood, I can open the folder and learn all kinds of things about those very things.

Here's the thing about bloggers.  They have some sort of mastery.  They are good at one of those things on the list.  Get it?  I read them and want to master these things, but there's no way to master the whole list, so I read it and get inspired, and then I read some more and I start to feel inadequate. 

I always wondered what my life would be like if I didn't probe into other people's lives and try to compare myself and then try to morph into that mold.

I've been piddling away the day.  Our summer vacation started at my mom's where we celebrated my grandma's 80th birthday, which was super-duper loads of fun.  Then we came back, three kids short, and spent three days with Dale, who had a super-duper three day weekend after our weekend.  Which gave me a six-day weekend with three less kids.  The house was already clean and there's barely any laundry, so since he's gone and there's not much to do, I'm piddling away my days.  And then I got on this website  http://megduerksen.typepad.com/whatever/ and started reading and it made me want to do more with my kids this summer- to be intentional.  I spend so much of my time trying to make MY life more simple but my kids are off doing their own thing and the day's gone. 


There has to be more that I can do to make this a great summer for my crew.  She has a to-do list on her wall for the summer.  That's what I think we'll do.  We'll make a checklist and then at the end of the summer, we can look back at the list and talk about how great it was.

Still Floundering

Where to begin, where to begin...  I am hesitant to even begin writing knowing it could be months before I am back to regularity, but I miss you all so much.  My heart is sick over not being able to contact you via email.  There's just so much to do yet, and the days are flying by with little time for reflection!

I'll tell you what I can see from this perspective.  We've set up the computer in the family room in the basement.  I love it because I am not tempted to sit down here every time I walk by- the fact is that I don't just walk by.  I have to be intentional about getting here, which makes for much less frivolity of my time.  The TV is also down here, and that without cable which means when we want to watch something, it takes effort.  I love it.

The spring has sprung here in lovely Missouri.  From the French doors I can see out into the backyard and into the woods behind.  There are green leaves coming up all over the ground, which is like a surprise in slow motion.  We have been told what is growing there, but having no knowledge of horticulture, the wonder and mystery remain!  There is a filled-in coy pond that doubles as a fire pit.  Around it there are bundles of tall yellow grass, recently trimmed.  Birdhouses hang and stand in various places, but are yet to be consistently frequented by birds, thanks to my routineless existence.  The birdseed is gone for days before we refill it.  The trees remain bare except for tiny green buds: the promise of things to come,  and the wind rolls fiercly and constantly singing in low tones when the house is quiet enough to listen.

I am in love, truly in love.  The Creator of the universe and every living being has shown us His favor and tended diligently to our hearts desires.  For that I remain in humble gratitude, moment by moment, knowing that I am but a worm, and a vapor, and completely undeserving of any of this. 

A Few Things

I'm finding my heart full often. The little blessings continue to fall into our lives, and we continue to give praise to God for every little thing. 

    Last night we were driving home from Target and Dale turned down a sidestreet, spontaneously.  My heart leapt when I realized we were dropping in for a visit at my brother's house. They welcomed us into their home at nearly eight o'clock and cheered our surprise visit enthusiastically.  It's a gift every time.

   The realtor sent me a message yesterday to let me know that the dishwasher blew out last week in our new house, but because it was under warranty, they were able to replace it and POOF!  Just like that, we have a brand new dishwasher just waiting to be loaded with our dishes!  These little blessings, they blow me away.

    Homeschooling is going well for the first time in a very long time.  I have the time and attention to give to each of the kids, being that we have most meals served to us and maidservice.  I know that it won't last, but having a jump start and a few good weeks of learning will help my attitude and the kids' attitudes going into some chaos as we being the moving-in process.  This is a huge blessing because, while I am whole-heartedly a homeschool advocate, I am not very good at it and sometimes I really dread the responsibility.  Having a few good weeks in a row is a big deal.

    And one more thing...  Dale found out that he has training out of state the week we were scheduled to move into our house.  We moved the closing back, which means the day the  movers come to unload boxes, he'll be gone.  However, God in His infinite wisdom worked every detail out beforehand.  My mom and Dale's mom are both on spring break that very week!  So, thankfully, I will have lots of help navigating through the boxes. 

Thank you God for these precious blessings.  You are so, so good!

PS Please forgive my typos.  With the new blogger format, I am unable to locate the spell check and frankly I've become dependent on that blasted thing and no longer keep a dictionary at my side.  Obviously that will need to change because it's just too embarrassing having misspelled words everywhere and being unawares.  xoxo  You are so kind to overlook my ridiculous idiosyncrisies.

Been awhile...

Oh hi there, are you still here?  HAHA!  I think of you often, and honestly, I miss you often.  It's just that, well, I got a little busy when we moved across the country.  I'm living in a hotel, see, and I have six kids.  Here in the Bible belt, it snows whenever it wants and so I'm stranded while the four-wheel-drive is incorporated into the commute.  My mornings start early and I am busy keeping all of the children busy with a schedule that won't quit.  If I don't fill their time, I risk being thrown into the street from the fighting and bouncing off the walls.  It's just the way it is.  But I'll return.  I feel feverish to write lately.  It's what I love, it's what I do.  I need to be here everyday.  So thanks for never giving up.  You make me always want to come back and start again.

lvb

The Party

So I told the kids that we would have a little party this week before they go back to school.  I don't know why I offer these suggestions up.  It's really laziness, initially.  I make these promises to give them something to look forward to and then I don't want to do it.  I don't want to do it at all.  I spend the whole day hoping we'll need to cancel.  It's so mean, but it's real, folks.  I mean, how many nights of being a happy party mom can I be, really?

This photo freaks me out a little.  Kennedy having friends that are older than the other kids is fine because they don't look that much older, except THIS friend.  The boys are all in love with her because she's gorgeous, and she's tough, and she beats them all up at school.  Did I mention that she's ten and in real life she looks older than Kennedy.  They are in a different age bracket.  It's strange, but it's real.  I'm about to have a teenager in my family. **sigh**

Micah spent a lot of the night schooling Nick on table manners and appropriate conversation for mixed company, but he somehow forgot when they started an extended, detailed debate about puss.  I'm just glad it didn't happen at the table. 

The kids each invited one friend over and I made them pizza.  When they got there I didn't have any done so I made some breadsticks to hold them off a few more minutes until I could get some real food on the table, then it came out one pizza at a time, which they promptly descended on like vultures.  It was crazy!  I would set it down, and it was gone.  There was a point when I honestly thought they wouldn't stop eating, and I would have to tell them there was no more food.  I put less and less sauce and cheese on each one so that if I had to make a second batch of dough I'd have something to put on top of it.  I ended up making two pans of breadsticks, six pizzas, and two dessert pizzas for 11 kids.  It seemed like a lot, especially when they ate pickles and popcorn during the movie.  YEEOWWW!! 

I managed to get them all in this magical shot!  They didn't spend the night, we just had a couple of kids show up in their jammies with their pillows and blankets so the other kids quickly followed suit, except the big girls, of course. 

I was hoping this was it for the parties for a while, but Jas is making plans for her birthday in two weeks.  I am really dreading having another bash at my house, any suggestions?  

lvb

HAAAAAP-PY NEW YEEEEEEARRRR!!!

We had quite a celebration, here in the Sutton house. These two drank soda all night long and thought they were living the dream. The fact that they only drank tablespoons at a time didn't seem to bother them a bit.

This was the calm before the storm.  It got crazy real fast once the music started.

  

Deisha went down first at a record 8:30.  Leila managed to hang on until about 10:30.  I knew she was tired when she started trailing me while I cleaned up the house.  I finally said, "Go snuggle up on the couch and I'll come sit with you when I'm done."  That was all it took.  A blankie, a movie, and a corner of the couch put her out in minutes.

There we go, Micah's heating it up now~!  We had to start the night with the dance party because, frankly, I get crabby and I didn't want to risk nixing it later.  So while we made the food, the kids took turns as dj blasting music through the house.  I do have some video footage of the crazy dancers, but I can't figure out how to load it on the new program... hmm...  At least I managed to catch this moment.  Kennedy was having SOOOO much fun!

And here is the little ray of sunshine toasting the new year with me.  This is proof that when you have a big family, all you need is food and a happy mommy to pull of a great party.

Happy New Year, everybody!  May all your New Years dreams come true!!!