Gram's Birthday

You thought I was kidding?  I kept trying to capture the sweetness of the birthday girl,and this is what kept taking over! 

 

Last May, Grams came to Emporia to celebrate her birthday with the crew.  It was quite a party!  The is my Uncle Bubba next to her.  It's strange to watch him age.  He has crazy Hook eyebrows and a bald head, but he's still just as charming as ever.  I have always adored him.

Jon and Cara blew us away when they showed up just about the right time for the party.  No one knew they were coming FROM NEW MEXICO!  I love surprises, and they are rare for me because no one in my house can keep a secret.  But this time we are all in shock.  I know it freaked Cara out that I kept hugging her over and over, but it was like a dream!  When we were in California she was a lifeline for me.  We spent lots of time on the phone feeling stranded and far away from the rest of the world, but somehow together.  Seeing them was just amazing.  Here's Cara with Stephanie.

 Mel and T.R. got to be there for the weekend too, which is always fun.  I have also been so blessed to have them living basically blocks away from me.  My kids have cousins that they will get to grow up with and see more than twice a year!  LOOOOOVE IT!!  Kennedy has become quite the kitchen helper in her pre-teen condition.  Jas too! I think it makes them feel a little more grown up to be in the kitchen with the women.  I love that too.

These two crack me up.  All three two-year-old girls are fireballs so the combination is totally unpredictable!  They are taking time out for a foot massage.  I'm surprised that thing is still intact as much play as it got during that weekend!

Alexa and Jasmine are BFF.  They have so much in common, being lovers of make-up and fashion.  They are also both middle children, which gives them the whole world of common ground.  I know this from personal experience.

Nana was in motion for the entire weekend.  She's always such a gracious host no matter how high the numbers of people get; and she's looking so cute in her trendy new digs! 

My dad was in motion all weekend too except when he was napping in a recliner.  It's all or nothing with him.  I always try to get up early enough to meet him at the breakfast table.  It's the best time to sit and chat; he hasn't started any of his projects for the day yet and he's not exhausted from working his projects yet.  Sometimes I can't make it early enough after burning the midnight oil with my mom the night before.  That's the best time to chat with her, after the chaos of a house full of people dies down.  I love them both so much!

This is my brother, Jon.  I always love it when he is around because he loves to play board games.  One year someone brought Balderdash to Christmas.  We had a crazy time playing that, mostly because boys are super naughty, and we all revert to being teenagers on some level when we are together.  It's all part of the fun.  He's holding the giant guinea pig, Buffalo.  Can you believe that thing?  It looks like a muskrat in this picture!  My mom took a bunch of pictures if Leila holding him and he looks as big as a cat!   

Here's proof of constant hugging!  Isn't she pretty?  She has such simple elegance about her.  She looks so meek and mild but under all that sweetness, She's a wild and crazy gal.  Believe it!     

Zane and Micah, also BFF.  

Aunt Kim and my cousin Leah, sweet Leah.  When I was fourteen I made a trip across country with these two and the other two siblings in their family.  Leah was two.  On that trip I was mostly in charge of her and people kept asking if she was mine.  I couldn't have been more proud!  She was such a funny kid and soooooo cute with her little redhead and sparkling blue eyes.  I prayed and prayed that I would have one like her.  SURPRISE! Four of em!  Isn't God funny?   

Uncle Jeff and his spunky wife Lynette.  He is sweet and quiet.  She's the wild one in their house.   

Of course my fancy-lady Sista and her new husband Jon.  I don't know what I'd do without this girl.  I used to wish we had more sisters, but now I'm glad we don't.  There's just not enough time in one night for more than two girls to gab and get everything said!

So here's another snippet of my crew.  I know; I am the luckiest.

lvb 

Deisha

Maybe I forgot to mention Deisha's birthday... did I?  I just loaded all the photos from my camera and did a quick run through this years blog posts.  For some reason I failed to mention her birthday and a few others... so here we go. My apologies if this is a repeat. Today, Deisha.

This cake was super fun to make and sooooo simple.  The terets and columns are made from ice cream cones, melted almond bark, and cherry chips.  The bricks are marshmellows.  The rest is pretty obvious.  I found a picture online that morning and voila!  We had a castle!  I feel bad when I am the lazy mom that makes a box cake and lets the kids decorate it with M & Ms.  Sometimes that's just what they want, though, so I don't feel bad for long. 

Dale's grandparents hadn't had a chance to come visit our new house until this weekend so we were thrilled to have them join our party.  This is Grandpa Welker.  Also you can see Nana and Cousin Luke in the background blowing up the balloons.  I love it when Kennedy wears that skirt with skinny jeans. 

This may be the only photograph of Deisha smiling out of the whole bunch.  The majority of the pictures are of her in just a diaper with her arms crossed in front of her, and her face in a terrible scowl!  I gotta tell you, birthday overload never produces good fruit! 

Here is another batch of our precious family: Nana, Aunt Sarah, Keegan, and Jas are in the forefront; Gavin and Hayden are in the background.  I love having my house full of people.  When I'm not pregnant I love it more.  I didn't know I was pregnant at this party so I loved it fully in my ignorance.

And then we have Mawmaw, Bud and Leila added to the mix.

I continue to rejoice in the blessings of our family being in close proximity.  It's such sweet bliss to be able to escape our house and run to theirs on a whim if we want to.  I've been feeling a little lost in other areas of my life.  It's hormonal, but feels just as real as true sadness.  Dale is so good to remind me to be thankful for what we do have in our family.  That snaps me right out of it.  I mean that usually snaps me out of it.  Sometimes I'm just unreasonable and cry anyway.  HA!  I might be crazy.

lvb

Falling...

It may not officially be fall, but oh my stars... I am in love!  This weather makes everything better; it's like the cherry on top of every blessing in my life.  The mornings are so crisp and fresh, I just can't get enough of it.  If there are anymore pregnancies in my future, I must pray that they encompass the fall. It curbs the edge brought on by my wacky hormones.

We are spending this weekend in town with our Nana and Papa and Aunt Sarah.  Nana and the boys are making plastic canvas boxes, the girls are watching Sleeping Beauty and napping after a late night of movies and giggling, and Papa is putting the floor down in the basement.  It's John Wayne Saturday on AMC; our lives our full. 

Dale is headed out for a weekend with Marty who is in town for a speaking engagement, so he didn't get to join our fall festivities in Emporia.  I'm not too worried about him though.  I'm sure he'll manage juuuuust fine.

So anywaysss.... I hope you are all revelling in the joys of fall, spending lots of time outside breathing deeply, and embracing the entrance of a new season!

Crazy Love

I've just finished one of the most motivating books I've read in a long time.  Have you heard of this?

I can honestly say this was a wake up call for me.  A lot of my life I have worked hard to please God; constantly trying: trying to read my Bible more, trying to pray more fervently and consistently, trying to force my character to behave like His.  In these pages I found that what God wants is not the trying, He just wants me- all of me.  It seemed a bit of a conundrum at first because how can I give Him more of me without trying?  But what it comes down to is this.  If I pursue Him out of a heart of love instead of some sense of moral duty, I am giving Him all of me, moment by moment.  That in itself reciprocates a deeper love and longing for Him which returns a produce of the fruit that I have begged Him to grow in me for so long.

In this book there are stories of people that are obsessed with loving God and how that love manifests itself in the world in tangible ways.  That's what I want in my life- I want to be known by the love of God not by some talent or capability that I have.  Those things are easy and natural- but they only give the appearance of good.  The only good in me is the love that can only be manifested in me when I have spent myself in pursuit of the Giver of all good things.  It's the only thing that amounts to anything in this life. 

It's simple and yet complex enough to hang our existence on.  When I actively love God, I will automatically love others and all these things will fall into perfect alignment with that love.  So why I am striving to build sand castles in this life with the working and hustling and cleaning and fretting over peoples opinions of me?  If I spent a quarter of that energy in my pursuit of God I would be living a completely different life in no time. 

Oh that my life would be full and spent in anticipation of things to come long after this vapor has faded!

Monday, Happy Monday!

I think about this blog a lot during the day.  If I could be down here writing all the time, and it's probably a good thing I can't, I would. 

Let me first apologize for not including more pictures.  I really don't like it when people post web cam photos of themselves in every post just to fancy it up.  It seems silly.  You know what I look like; it only changes when I am pregnant or have a major event coming up that I want to be skinnier for.  What you are really hoping to find is a photograph of my kids or our house or something creative- like a bug or a project.  You don't want to see me with my frumpy "stay in the house all day" hair and my smeared mascara from last night because I don't shower until we are about ready to walk out the door or Dale is about to walk it...  It's just the way it is.  I know you, the few, the faithful, will return and read- if not skim- this post; dazzling photos or not!  It's because you love me.  And reading blogs is fun.

The thing I think about the most, besides not having pictures because Sandy told me I need them, is that this is sort of a confessional.  I'd much rather you come here to read something charged with insight, or some snippet of wisdom I picked up somewhere, or something them challenges you to change it up somehow.  I'd really love for this to be like the Chesterton days, when I was reading real literature and sharing deep thoughts about God and His ways.  Unfortunately my reading is choppy and scattered and so are my thoughts.  I've been trying to get through the first chapter of a book I picked up from the library by John MacArthur for several days; there just isn't any uninterrupted time in my day.  I am trying to remedy that, but it's tough when your kids aren't napping anymore!  So naturally, the meditations of my heart are scattered.  Is there a way to create depth in your life when you are in my shoes with big kids little kids and kids in-utero?  Seriously, if you have found it, please call me.  Getting up early is a legitimate option, but it's not very practical in the rhythm of our life.  Anything else?

I keep missing the point.  I want to share a lot of the things I think about here because I know you think about them too.  But I'm not good at knowing what is right to share and what's not.  You don't care.  I think you would love it if I just spilled my guts.  Especially now- I'm so self-absorbed when I'm pregnant.  (ha ha, Dale.  MORE self-absorbed when I'm pregnant.) 

It's no wonder I am having a break-down every other day.  When you are fixated on yourself and your life all the time, it's easy to see flaws everywhere.  See I'm kind of an idealist.  I want things to go a certain way, the way they should go.  And when they don't, I cry.  Or yell.  It's because I am abiding in Becca and not in Christ.  Pray for me.  I am really struggling.  I feel super vulnerable and super defensive at the same time.  At the risk of looking pathetic I am not sharing my feelings outside these four walls, but I am on the verge of tears when I go out.  It's taking serious fortitude to make myself go anywhere.  It's part of being pregnant and being me. I am not "putting on" the virtues that are so critical to our faith- especially the one I was just touting days ago on the this blog.  But I feel sort of breakable and it's easier just to hunker down and hide out with my crew- they ask why I'm crying and believe me when I say I'm just tired. 

On a happy note, I've been trying to get the camera out despite all my groanings about it earlier, because I keep catching the little girls doing funny stuff.  Micah, however, has been using my camera for stop-motion videos and is mid-project every time I want to capture a moment.  Like yesterday; I walked into the kitchen to find Deisha sitting at the bar on a stool in her diaper.  She had rigged her nightgown up like a cape by hanging it over her head and putting Tre's winter hat over it to hold it.  It was the funniest thing!  She is so imaginative and I love it!!!  Just cracks me up, but it would have been way cuter with a photo and subtitle. 

It's all about the juggling.  I'll get all the balls in the air eventually. 

lvb

Co-op and Stuff

I have to tell you, the co-op was not what I expected.  We were happily surprised to see lots of children in each of the kids' age groups- which shouldn't have been a surprise being that I had a kid in almost every class.  They all had lots of fun and I was in the nursery for most of the day.  Listen. I'm not a nursery gal.  I did it and it was fine, but I did not love it.  I was, however, grateful for the taco soup at the end of the tunnel!  It's silly, but knowing that I had dinner in the crockpot made it so much easier not to stop at a drive-through on the way home.  The kids were practically begging.  One mention of taco soup shut it down.  Seriously!  There is no doubt that if I had not made dinner it would have been double cheeseburgers all the way.
Poor Dale did not get his QT hot dog, not from me anyway.  By the time he and Leila made it home from their special day, I was already in jammies and snuggled down for the night.  Actually by 6:00 I was dressed for bed and clocked out for the day.  It wasn't that the day was labor intensive, really, I just... I'm kind of a whiny-pants and my energy doesn't go very far.  It doesn't help that I've abandoned my healthy eating and exercise, so I am running on simple sugars and carbohydrates and minimal protein.  They run out pretty quickly... and I'm surprised? 

My moods swing more drastically too.  I've gone from elation to deep, deep sadness, to explosive hostility in a matter days- hours even.  It's the food.  It has to be the food.  There are ways of managing this pregnancy and I am not doing it.  Pray for me!  ARGH!!!  It's a mountain I fear I will never get over.

Feeling Better

The Movie Marathon was just what we needed.  I took the kids to the library to get their movies, and then we went to Price Chopper to pick up everything we needed for Root Beer floats and Scamboli Bread.  It was a real treat for the kids; snapped me right out of my funk.  We started with Ratatoui, next was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, followed by Kit Kitteridge. (cutest movie ever!)  I managed to knit all of the body and most of the head of my first project.

Today we have some pretty big excitement.  It's the first day of our co-op.  One of the girls at church invited us to go, and we couldn't be more thrilled.  I have been hunting for something the kids can do outside of church and house that they could do at the same time, rather than running in all directions.  It should be fun.  I am looking forward to it.

It's funny how having something on our schedule gets me all worked up.  We got up early this morning in order to squeeze in one math lesson and get ready for our coop that we have to leave for at noon.  I am planning to do some Spanish lessons on tape in the car that I bought at a garage sale.  Can't hurt, right?  The only thing is, I need to get something in the crockpot for dinner and... well Dale's not going to eat taco soup.  I might just throw that in for the kiddos and whip him up a masterpiece later- like a QT hot dog or something magical like that. 

Hope you're enjoying this lovely cool front today!  I know I am!!!

CAUTION! Debbie Downer at 6 o'clock!

I woke up sad today.  It's so funny because last week Monday was such a glorious day!!!  And today I am just kind of sad.  There's no real reason.  I have everything I need or want, I'm just... dissatisfied.  It's the story of my life.  Some days great, other days miserable.  I have always struggled with this very thing, always wishing something was different.  I don't wish for another life, I just wish this relationship was better or that situation would change.  It's so petty.  People are suffering terrible trials in their lives and it is painful to have to sit on the sidelines and just watch them suffer through it knowing there's very little I can do to make it better.  But I start picking things apart in my mind and they start to cave.  So petty. 

I despise this about myself.  What I want to be is truly content- in plenty and in want.  Not just financially but when my heart is full and when I am left longing I wish I could embrace it all.  This isn't the natural way, I don't suppose.  Last night someone said, "I wish I could just be godly and it would come naturally for me the way it does for some people," to which several other people responded, "Oh, it doesn't come naturally for anyone.  I think it's always a fight."  I just don't feel like putting up much of a fight.  Let me wallow in self-pity, just for a day.  That's ridiculous, you say?  What have I to pity myself over?  I know.  It is.  Your very words echo in my ear every time I start to give way to tears.  I smack myself around and tell myself, "This is ridiculous!  What have you got to feel sorry about???"  But I want to.  I want to cut my day short, lock-down in the basement, and get hide all day.  The kids would be thrilled- I'd call it a movie marathon not an escape, of course. 

Funny, these kids.  It really thrills them when I will sit and watch a movie with them.  I so full of myself that  I can't stay awake for more than half unless I'm distracted by something else, even though I know this is the very thing they really love.  It takes virtually no effort or attention, they just want me present.  It's like when they were little, all they wanted was for me and Dale to get on the floor.  We didn't have to play or entertain them, they just wanted us there where they were.  Still do.  Oooooo these days are numbered.  It will all go away and I'll be riddled with regret!  I can see it coming- and here I sit, moaning to myself about nothing with no reason, and yet I still moan.  boooooo. 

I do love God, you know I do.  He gives me peace and rest; it's this blasted flesh that blocks my access.  I indulge it and it gets fatter and makes it harder to get to. 

So here's the remedy.  Do something for someone else.  Today I am going to do two things on my list. They should take less than one hour.  Then I'm going to round up the troops and set up a movie marathon.  HAHA!  You think I'm reverting, but in writing that I realized that even though my motive is to indulge this miserable beast, this would be something that would thrill my kids.  Only to make this about them and not me I will run them to the library to pick out a movie and then make snacks for the marathon.  And I'll knit while they watch movies so that my eyes will stay open from start to finish.  They will love it.  I will love it.  It'll be the start of something good in my day.  mmm.  This is a good plan.  Thanks.

It's Something That I Love

There's nothing miraculous about one of our church services, if you think about it with an American mindset and consider the freedom to worship a given.  It's just that our meeting are really precious to me.  I don't mean to keep coming back to this, but I have prayed for such a long, long time for this very thing that I can't seem to get away from this gratuitous frame of mind.  All these other things that trip me up pale in comparison to being part of this precious fellowship.  It's the accountability, the teaching, and the functionality that I love.

Last week at Bible study, I laid all my cards on the table, so to speak.  I have shared a lot of things in our circle of ladies, but I always strategically position myself behind what's left of the wall that keeps me safe from being completely vulnerable.  In my heart I believe that we'll be here forever and there's nothing to lose by sharing my real, true self, but in my knower I'm pretty sure there is a reason to keep what's left of the wall in place.  For whatever reason, this time when it came to my turn to share I just let it all out.  Starting with the way that I talk to my kids.  I was trying all these alternative routes to changing my attitude toward them and nothing was working so I just spilled my guts about how awful I am everyday in response to countless questions and constant requests for attention.  Usually when I talk to someone about this, we laugh about it and relate perfectly to one another because it is so common.  I explain it away as normal, never giving sin it's full credit therefore nothing changes.  This time one of the women in the group blasted me with reproof.  Her tone was so severe that I get goosebumps every time I think about it.  She spoke from a heart of love, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I am thankful for such action because it has initiated change in my behavior and my prayer life concerning this matter. 

In our church meetings we have been studying 1 Peter.  The last few verses of the first chapter and the first three of the second teach a remarkable doctrine that I have never heard or been taught in all my years of church-going.  Let me just share it with you.  It says:

1 Peter 1:22 "Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart,

23 for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.

24 For, "ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF, 25 BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER." And this is the word which was preached to you.

2:1 Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, 2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, 3 if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord."

God has instilled in us this love for one another, those who are in Christ, along with our new hearts at conversion.  What happens now is that Christ commands us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER FERVENTLY FROM THE HEART.  This kind of love is not an "intentional handshake at greeting time" love.  It's a love that forgives, it is unconditional.  It works in practical ways to show and build depth of love.  It doesn't fade.

The next verses talk about the imperishable seed that we have been born of: the Word of God, the GOSPEL OF CHRIST.  This love will not fade or go away; we are in it for the long haul together.  Essentially, Jesus commands us to love one another with this love that never fades.  This command is only second to loving God wholly!  It is not something that we try to do or want to do, but that we HAVE TO DO.  It is serious stuff!

And further, "putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander." We have to get all of this out of our vernacular, it cannot abide in our fellowship if we truly, fervently love one another.  Instead, "long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation..."  We have tasted the goodness of God, now crave more of Him and His word!  It's so good.

It's not that I wasn't always taught the golden rule, but the emphasis on this directive was never taught in this way.  It's critical.  One of the reasons Christ redeemed us to himself was to love His body, the church.  What an amazing gift He has given to us in giving us one another! 

Finally I have to share how I am seeing the functionality of this passage even now, played out in our fellowship.  We've been having church here at our house for several weeks now.  There has not been one Sunday that everyone left and I had to work to get the house back in order.  Usually I don't even realize the kitchen is being cleaned up until it's almost done.  People just get up and start working.  After a buffet-style meal for forty people, that's a huge blessing.  I never expect it, and I am always grateful.  It is a small act of love and service that means so much to me. 

I pray that each of you find yourselves in a fellowship of believers that truly loves one another, even if there are only a few together.  It makes the journey such a joy rather than an uphill siege.

Sunday, lovely Sunday

After a week full of answered prayers the Lord blessed us with the gift of a cool, breezy morning.  Dale's mom was with us this morning and got to enjoy a beautiful start to a lovely day.  We all sat on the porch talked for a while, then we watched as a mother bird tutored her baby bird in the ways of the world.  The baby hopped back over the yard while she flew back and forth from ground to tree limb making short hops in between to teach the tiny thing how to do it.  It was the most precious sight!  We could have stayed all morning and watched them.

In case you're curious I am seventeen weeks now and have been showing since I was about six hours along.  When my tummy is nice and round I will post some pictures.  Until then, it's too hard to get a photo that is flattering in any way.  I am enjoying a healthy mix of normal clothes and maternity clothes, which is nice because I don't feel totally confined to my narrow maternity wardrobe.  We'll see once fall hits how that all plays out.  The Lord continues to provide in the most amazing ways, and I am abundantly thankful.

Now that my kids have accomplished sooo much of the housework in prep for church tonight, I could sit here and stare at this screen for the rest of my free time, but I won't.  I always feel scattered when we get down to the four o'clock hour- especially if I haven't had a chance to fix myself up after the rat race.  So... In an effort to avoid that I guess I'll get on it.  Or maybe take a nap.